When you went through airport security you asked if the could check if a baby was in there. That drunk.
Do you know many girls there are in gay bars waiting for me to do coke off their tits? A lot.
The cops forgot your handle of tequila when they took you away. Taking shots in your honor amigo
Ripped lines in the bathroom before my presentation.. Got bonus marks for my enthusiasm.. This is why I love drugs
He may only be 25% black, but after that sexual experience I am 100% never going back.
Why were you eating a hot dog in the bathroom at 230 am?
My roommate was sleeping, I thought it would be rude
I don't have to hold her hair back as she blows me but I do have to hold the ball on the Santa hat
I still think he fell and scraped his elbow and lost his credit card buying 8 hot chocolates for hobos
I was talking to another guy at the bar last night and all of a sudden a flying piece of Sausage lands on my boobs. Then I hear my boyfriend yell, "just marking my territory."
tanning, a slurpee, and a cigarette. spa day college edition
We BOTH lost our virginities there. It's basically a landmark.
There is absolutely a 0% chance my hips will make it out of this twerking business fully functional
I'm gonna have to shit in a bar again tonight
Also you think METH is on the same level of wanting to see the movie cats? We’re gonna unpack that later
The last time I was on vacation the pandemic blew up. Can't wait to see how my vacation fucks up the world this time.
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