you think thats bad? Today I had to pop a zit on my sack.
I just got hit in the face by an old lady love handle.
We got so high we made milksteak
spending the week with her family was quite possibly the longest ive ever gone without having a boner
my mom just asked me what a queef is. she needs to stop watching south park
He plays me like an instrument...he is the Carlos Santana of my vagina.
And at least you didn't have a dinner of Ranch Pringles and Double Stuff Oreos. I forgot that part of being single.
Your stoned with a 2 year old in the room....and that makes you want to have babies?!
Oh no. Not her. Her personality clashes with mine in ways that would make me wanna beat myself with a stick.
I was thinking that maybe I should not apply to Wells Fargo because they def have me on candid camera taking a drunken nap at 3am in their lobby.
It was like a Thanksgiving meal, which you spend 8 hours cooking, and the family wolfs down in 20 minutes. All that flirting and build-up for like 90 seconds of pumping and he was gone in a flash, never to be heard from again.
Oh okay. That's fine. I'll buy us both dinner when you bail me out
It's a post jail date
Two of my roommates are waxing their vaginas in the living room. Can I come smoke?
My dry spell starts kindergarten this fall...
They grow up so fast.
It's all fun and games until your mom recognizes your bootycall from 2018 as her attorney
Randomize