After 10 years all I have gotten is one bra pic, at this point I should be able to draw your cervix from memory
We discussed our relationship status. We're dating exclusively. And the conversation was followed by him saying "C'mon baby, let's make you orgasm!" .....I'm gonna marry him.
Yeah, but there's no serving sizes for dick.
I ate her out for so long I might actually shit a vagina
You should have hard cock pics on hand to send in the situation that you can't stop driving, pull out your cock, browse the countless pics I've sent you of my tits, get him hard and text a pic through. I mean, it's simple sexting ettiquette.
Yeah then she waddled like a duck in silence sat down and ate the entire paper towel roll.
Woke up in time for my 8:15
Good for you I'm impressed
I realized 10 minutes in it was a class from last semester
You thought you were drunk? I woke up at 6 o'clock this morning with a cheeseburger in my left hand a drink in my right with my window half way down. it was raining.... fml
When the neighbors threatened to call the cops, he yelled at them that American laws didnt apply to him because he was Danish. He then sang his own version of "America fuck yeah" along to daft punk, then fell down the porch steps. Can we keep him?!?!
Banana suit guy has an entourage and they're all douchebags. There is no god.
The homeless woman that called me a "dirty looking cunt" the other day, was standing outside Starbucks today with a sign that said "Jesus loves you."
my nose is crying tears of wow.
Then it hit me - his penis wasn't a shiny new toy anymore and I wanted a new one.
I know she’s pissed I fucked her husband, but I didn’t know he was married until after I blew him at Legoland
So... he's my second cousin's step-bro... To do or not to do?
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