is hooking up with someone you used to babysit wrong?
Fuck that. Livers are so overdramatic and attention hungry.
My entire life is one complicated drinking game
Whenever I said your name you screamed polo and did another shot.
There was a bottle of vodka and chips in a vase next to the bed
yolo... Doesn't that stand for 'shut the fuck up'?
After he finished he proceeded to check my boobs for breast cancer.
He says he invented a new sex move called The Redbird that we can only do when I'm on my period. Should I be concerned?
i just deleted him from my phone. and yes... I did just text you this from less than 20 feet away.
I'm not judging.. I sure as hell am not getting out of my bed to come talk to you about this. but i support your decision
I'm not sure New Orleans is real. Even the grocery stores sell vodka.
Just licked cheese from my hot pocket off my phone. I spilled because I was eating a Popsicle at the same time. Send an adult please
I'll just give him your contact info, and you'll somehow manage to get laid. Which will make me feel like your vagina's agent or something.
She was screaming and crying about how she couldn't find her middle finger. Then, she threw her body on to the pavement. Thats the last time we buy a freshmen a handle.
My uterus just tried to get me to buy a tub of cookie dough
i haven't seen you in two years and we have like 16 hours, all i want is cuddles, wine, and some light groping
Randomize
