You're going to have to start masturbating with your left hand. Or with someone's vagina
week 6 of class: i have yet to go to spanish sober. i love being THAT girl.
well yea, now i know i won't get hair in my teeth...
New years is officially the only time its okay to drunk dial your parents.
she asked me if i can do her a favor, came over, and gave me head then left. i still dont understand how that was a favor for her.
i yelled at him for a little and we ended up fucking in a random tennis court.
I need an adult. someone more adult than my current state
I only remember singing the Captain Planet theme song on our way to the bars.
Do you think the firemen will remember me?
Yes. But you were sloppy, sobbing, and puked on two of them. You won't get in their pants.
I just need to drink whiskey get off and eat some cheese. Why is that so fucking hard for god to deliver.
All you need for a happy life is Jameson and slippers
If you ever tell anyone I offered you boob squeezes for cheetos, I'll kill you
On a side note. I slept with a stuffed giraffe last night. Found it in my bed when I came home and snuggled with it. Drunk me reverted to being 2
Wait... so you had sex and then your ear drum ruptured? I'm not sure if I want to ask if the two are related...
Drunk me made cabbage burritos at 1am after going to hustler hollywood.\nI bought socks. Lol
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