Next thing I know we're all standing in the kitchen holding hands and thanking God for the beer.
also: i found my "nug jug", actually the baby did, but either way it got returned to its rightful owner
He apologized for his naked psychotic episode and then we had goodbye sex on his sailboat
All I kmoe is rheres a coffee pot full pf vodka in my purse
I wonder if they have a "21st birthday" section in the hospital..
I want him to rain dance my fallopian tubes.
Trevor is horny so he just called me to tell me all the things that he would like to do with his future wife. That's a new one.
And really all I wanted was to be like "hey can I borrow your dick for a few hours this weekend?"
What kind of outfit says I totes want you to take me in the airplane bathroom?
your vagina must have magic restorative powers I feel rested and powerful this morning.
I think once you know a guy's chest measurements the stalking has gone too far..
I'm hoarding IKEA meatballs in my purse
She took her panties off, then farted in my general direction. I guess we're at that stage in our relationship.
Well, I crapped my pants in front of her entire family, was laughed out of their house, and I had to walk home with shit stained pants. So, yeah, it went really well.
I woke up on a park bench with a nice homeless guy waking me up. I bought us Carl's Jr. Best birthday ever!
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