Sweater Vest, Chin Strap, Beard, sporting a white Beret- Please don't ever let me be THAT guy.
We can't ever have kids because there's a chance that they'll end up just like us.
I'm drinking keystone with a homeless man I found. It's making me feel uncomfortable.
I know i should have focused more on what you were saying in the text rather than the fact you spelt "suicidal" wrong
He tried to cuddle with me after we hooked up and i just looked at him and said why are you still here?
your drunk ass trust falled a guy double fisting bud limes and as a result your head bounced off the patio table. So that might explain the stitches on the back of your head.
It's just one of those nights that , as long as you have the drugs, everything is going to be alright.
It must have been an amazing night, I have "my pants are responsible people" written on my pants in permanent marker.
She once gave me sex advice over the phone while intoxicated. So no you don't have the cooler therapist.
We thought it was a good idea to send a picture to our HS science teacher where she's smoking a joint and I'm holding a monkey, and he invited us to lunch. NEW LEVEL UNLOCKED.
I can't. I'm not drunk enough for this information.
She looks well worn, presumably from a cavalcade of penis.
going on a mission to find my pants and the guy who stole my beer don't wait up
Right when he asked me if I was on birth control my dad walked in. This is my fate.
Just text him and be like do you want this pussy or not. You have three seconds to respond.
How does one acquire holy water?
Randomize
