Sure, fine. Daughter just told me she is not a virgin anymore. I am gonna start drinking now
The guy I fucked last night is well worth up the ass tuition. I just wish I could tell dad thanks!
say it with me now .. the "golden" penis. his nickname does not disappoint.
It was one of those you-have-no-other-way-home-and-we-already-made-out-so-I-guess-youre-coming-home-with-me-if-you-promise-to-leave-early kind of deals.
I'm trying to convey to the smoking hot Spanish cleaning lady at work that I want to bone her but I think it's getting lost in translation. How do you say "blowjob" in Spanish?
Listen. You seriously only live once... there aren't that many cinco de mayos left until someone knocks u up and u have to have a shotgun wedding. Man up.
I'm kinda amazed by how many times I've texted the word penis today.
I think my staff loses a little bit of respect for me every time you're in town. I may have to puke at work ...again.
Winning pick four numbers were just 6969... if I were 18 I could've won 20,000 dollars.
I cannot describe the pre-ejaculative horrors thru the medium of text messaging
Well I'm going to hell. But I'm going after multiple orgasms.
Everyone thinks I'm sleeping but I'm actually just melting.
I may watch porn and eat a baked potato covered in chili in bed
Just remembered sticking my head out the window as i drove us to walmart and yelling that i was a golden retriever.
Also, sorry for verbally assaulting you when you asked if you could dump the bowl.
I blame her lesbian super powers of coercion.
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