You just made me feel so damn special
For a day that started with shitting my pants, things turned out fairly well.
What happened at the top of the stairs is never to be spoken of again.
i figure now that we're number one party school im obligated to black out at least 4 days a week. andddd go.
I wish I could walk around this campus with a big stamp that says "Approved" and just stamp girls asses as they pass.
Or I could just give you a blow job and make it up to you.
No, that's okay. Don't worry about it.
Going once.....twice.........sold to the girl who didn't really wanna do it anyway.
Don't ever give your dog some hamburger at midnight. Its impossible to enjoy a late night burger when your dog just threw it up all over your carpet. Gremlin rules work with dogs.
Uhh... I think I meant "Be proud, I'm taking shots before my public speaking test." "Coffee and vodka is not good" and "Also, I'm giving blood drunk."
Calm the fuck down fatty, you can add creme de menthe to a vanilla shake any time of the year
I'm a bit offended I got no nudies back but it's whatever
They're in the mail. Snapchats too fast. I want the suspense.
I'm tempted to randomly yell out 'SO HOW IS YOUR UNDERAGE GIRLFRIEND' but that would be callous
shut up and let me use my vagina as a weapon of self destruction in peace!
My roommate walked in on my inserting a tampon. Somehow, I don't think this will be improving our relationship.
I went with vodka instead of tequila tonight so I make better decisions. Fool proof plan.
Is 6 weeks really a benchmark now?
Ask me in 6 more weeks, when they're in a bisexual polycule.
Randomize
