New drink name: the Vermont Douchebag. Take shot of maple syrup, drop into cup of jager, bomb.
Please dont jizz on my ds screen.
we hooked up on one of my student's desks last night...i can't decide if i'm ashamed or massively proud of myself
dude you teach first grade wtf
You ordered a "mcblizzard" and yelled @ the worker for false advertisement because she didn't flip your "mcblizzard" upsidedown. You wanted it free. I'd say mcdonalds daytime workers need to be trained in dealing with daytime drunks too. She didn't know what to do.
I don't think i can handle my uncle say again that kid rock is a true musician....
i will see naked twins by the end of the night. that's all i know
I just headbutted my cat because he was trying to eat my bacon.
did you really just send me an instagramed dick pic?
I mean like, my liver will beg my brain for mercy. Brainll be like I'm Greg Jennings. Liverll be like I'm Darren Sharper. Brainll be like hold my diiiiick.
He accidentally opened the car door during sex and all the lights came on. Needless to say, that kid passing by who was walking his dog got scarred for life.
I'm hiding in the bathroom at the library but there are children here I just want to drunk cry in peace
I was going to text you that earlier, but I felt like before 10 was probably to early to bring up boners
Ethically, this is the worst thing I've ever done. Financially, however...
no offense but you looked like shit yesterday
tequila is unforgiving..
He is obviously into the really short sex we have.
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