you know i think I know why you are single...because you are real cute but then you open your mouth and let words come out and all goes to hell.
found a naked boy completely buried under a pile of her clothes and terrified...she says she was "saving him for later"
I just woke up with a bunch of French fries in my hand and a chocolate shake balancing on my pillow. Lovely.
At least drunk you showered before switching sex partners last night.
Just bought a disco ball for 5 dollars, of course we're drinking tonight.
Just made a photo collage of the girls I've hooked up with this summer. I'm patting myself on my back right now
I want to apologize in advance in the event I put my boobs in your face
Thanks again for allowing my sister to lose her virginity on your bed.
im sure shes a lovely person but i cant be friends with someone that doesnt drink. its just not right.
I'm gunna send you baby bottles of vodka for those nights when you just give up
You know you're in the hamptons when it's 10pm And you kind of want to vomit white wine on rug that costs more than your apartment.
His chest is so hairy i want to pet it with my nipples.
This is why we can never be together. Well that and we r married to other ppl but that's very minor detail compared to the coffee issue
you woke up this morning in a laundry basket, only wearing rainboots.
I can appreciate that you picked up the hot drummer, but don’t have sex in front of my house lmao
Randomize
