did i really try to jack off an athens police horse last night? please tell me youre kidding..
well I washed the adderal like an idiot. the capsules broke but the beads inside were intact. so my landlady came in and caught me licking the dryer lint screen
So when we opened his headboard we found a bottle of crisco sitting on top of his porn magazines.
I guess we all know what he was cookin.
What part of "you pissed in the tent" do you not understand?
im sitting in the back of my pickup eating an artichoke. please come find me, im scared.
that was a mass text, wasnt it?
Using his name makes it all too personal. I refuse to get attached to this one. This is all about ass. He doesn't get a name.
Do ex girlfriends even count for summer sexcapades. Seems like the damage had already been done
Victory lap
You just kept shouting "I AM AN ADULT!" until he agreed to carry you home on his shoulders.
last night he took my thong off with his teeth... god bless champagne
Not sure if this is better or worse than the discovery that bourbon and hot chocolate is a viable combo
HOW ARE YOU ALWAYS DRUNK? AND WHERE ARE TOU TRYING TO GO??
He was super adorable, like I wanna pinch his cheeks while I fuck him...
Get your ass back to America. We've got a lot of drugs to do.
I ain't lettin her quit anyway. We don't fuck enough for her to meet the housewife requirements
he's the kind of guy you give a fake number to and he still finds out your real number anyway...
Randomize
