In the airport and just saw a little boy put his head in his mother's crotch... I guess he took a whiff because he backed up and said loudly, "mommy your pee-pee is stinky!"
I woke up to the bathroom door of steak n shake hitting me in the face at 4 in the morning...
i went to go through my sent box of drunk texts from last night and they were all deleted... i'm going to assume drunk me made the executive decision that sober me would be better off not knowing what they said
Booyah. Found 8000 pesos in my closet and that's apparently 608 US dollars
i think it would be like really awesome if scientist could genetically engineer manatees to be like the size of goldfish so i could have one in my fishbowl and be like FUCK YEAH TINY MANATEE
i walked outside and you were driving up the stairs to her apartment
Even the bar was yelling boobs, so of course the shirt came off
He kept falling asleep with the pizza in his hand. I woke him up and told him and he was shocked because he thought he ate it all. Then he would end up falling asleep and we'd repeat the whole process again.
I can't even remember the last time I took my own pants off
An don't say it's "personal preference" cause I don't buy it. I just want to have normal cool guy balls. I don't want to be the dude that's still rocking the equivalent of the "mid 90's bowl cut" of scrotum haircuts.
I hooked up with a guy dressed up as morning wood. Needless to say he lived up to his costume.
There were containers of weed in the piñata. How much more Colorado does it get
I rocked his world in the back of my car in an overly-lit, heavily trafficked parking lot. Middle age is amazing!
i'm 99% sure they had an orgy while i was passed out
we've never stayed at a party for more than an hour. we always end up at a pizzaria. by ourselves. with no friends.
what else are best friends for?
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