she farted while i was going down on her. not doing that again
I unwillingly was the ball between four hungry hippos last night. I thought the one chick was actually going to eat me
I guess you don't realize how much twelve bags of chips are, until they're all over your floor.
she carries around a jar of peanut butter. "just in case".
No. untill you have done a puke that contains nothing but semen and tequila, you do not 'feel my pain'
Doing tuck and rolls down a stair case was not my brightest idea
i think i left a case of beer in your dryer
Oh god I think I promised some guy from high school that I'd be his fuck buddy in like 3 months
I wonder when walk of shame thursdays in the rain will finally make me stop drinking.
I would have gladly let him decapitate me with the way he was biting on my neck.
Am I a bad person for getting my ex to DD me and a random hookup home last night?
Beat the bartender in a shot challenge for a free tab. I won that, and him. I never get tired of the "this is my first time with a guy.." bullshit.
How do you even...
The magic of Christmas. And whiskey, of course.
Just checked in with my friend who walked in on us. He thinks you two had a spiritual connection and he's bugging out
He was also rolling face on molly so his perception of divinity might be slightly off
Just broke my no shot rule again.. Made out with a stranger. That's 0 for 3 this month for the record
Lost and found: pink cotton underwear next to my bed and soaking wet Reebok socks or boxers in a plastic bag...in my fridge🤔
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