You know how I know he's a virgin? He's wearing transition lenses.
my iphone just auto-corrected drink to drnknghhhg...
i wish that every time i slipped on a sheet of ice i had the ability to recover with a michael jackson move
my advisor is telling us the best way to sneak in alcohol on move in day. I definately picked the right college
well, someone with very low standards is getting their dick sucked
I'd rather say I'm a whore then admit it's his child. Its that bad.
There're making snowcones with the leftover vodka from last night. This is not the time to be making up excuses!
That's the girl I met who was peeing on the driveway with me. We bonded
I'd say I'd distract him, but I lose my psychic powers when guys get girlfriends. And by psychic powers I mean taking off my top.
In the last 3 months, I've slept with an ex,someone single, someone in a relationship, someone married, and someone divorced. I should get some type of grown up girl scouts badge.
I want to be your penis for a week.
his brother walked in while we were fucking on the couch, told me i had "lovely jugs" and offered to make both of us a drink
The teenager outdrank all of us. All. Of. Us. I woke up and she was getting everyone water and fruit snacks. I give up.
This is what we get for finishing a whole box of Franzia by ourselves
moral of my life: don't tell a guy you want to have sex with him. he'll get back together with his ex.
Randomize
