sorry about last night, sometimes people just get drunk and have sex witht heir friends
I know, I was there.
I was just at the urinal, started to go, then farted, then said oh yea out loud, then heard someone move in the stall behind me
i used baking grease as lip gloss
Shes in the fridge organizing my beer collection. I love having a girlfriend with OCD
Two grown ass men just come into the bar riding humongous tricyles
You were yelling at the cops across the street saying they were at the wrong party
I had to do a class evaluation today & the girl beside me didn't fill in any bubbles she just wrote in huge letters RETIRE across the whole sheet
I thought you should know that there is a scientific law stating that when there is booze, people talk about your dick.
Hi, this is a test of the morning after apology broadcast system. If you're receiving this pre-recorded message there is a high probability I was a dickwad to you in the past 24 hours. You have my utmost and sincere apologies. Also if you have my wallet, house key, left converse, or lighter, give them/it back
hey give me heads up if you're feeling vulnerable tomorrow night
Normally this is when girls give blow jobs. That's how you mentally condition them to put up with PMSing, because they see the shinny blowjob light at the end of the tunnel.
I woke up with my shoes still on and my pants around my ankles cause I couldn't get them over my shoes
Well, I crapped my pants in front of her entire family, was laughed out of their house, and I had to walk home with shit stained pants. So, yeah, it went really well.
FYI, his "son" is a Chihuahua.
first he passed out on the toilet...then hugged it and screamed no no no as i tried to pull him out
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