I just put out an orange level terrorist threat on her punani
come downstairs quick. our boyfriends are having a dance off in nothing but their underwear and shoes. and they have semis too.
He started yelling "we're making a baby" mid thrust.. probably not the right guy for me right?
it's all fun and games until somebody pulls the tampon string..
I somehow fell asleep on my kitchen counter using the microwave as a pillow
Well, at first I was really confused. But then I realized that he was talking from his penis's perspective... in third person.
You couldn't find your shoe so you introduced yourself as Cinderella for the rest of the night.
Ahh that explains the text from creepy mike saying he would be my prince charming.
Just woke up next to a girl with 30 hot dogs in my bed. Vodka you win again.
i ate a whole tub of butter with my hands last night. don't tell me about rock bottom
There are a bunch of highly educated, advanced in their field, PUSSY ASS BITCHES in this bar
i don't know why he's complaining, i'm the one with four hickeys on my ass.
currently googling "apology gifts for when you poop on their floor"
It's funny when you can't take a fishing boat because you fucked the captains wife
This is a question I thought I'd never have to ask. How many hits of acid did you give your dad tonight?
He started out in my roommates bed and by the end of the night was in mine, not sure how that went down. But he left happy in the morning.
Randomize
