I made out with a fat chick last night in a hot tub... btw I am breaking up with you
We're so high we're finding things in the room to build a submarine with. So far we have two cardboard boxes, a piece of wood, puffy paint, and an empty bottle to use as a periscope.
I decided to follow my clitoris instead of my heart.
Just did a walk of shame dressed as a cowgirl and walked past his ex's entire sorority. Yippee kye aye, motherfucker.
We made a bet that we had to talk like Yoda all night at the bars
Wouldn't it be fantastic if the corporate world cared less about about our GPA and focused more on our mastery of social drunkenness?
He equated my biology degree to a belief in Santa. I wonder if he heard the doors to my vagina clanging shut.
Smoked a joint with my old camp counselor and now we're going to a strip club. There is a god.
I just found a weed leaf in my leg hair..
This is what happens when wu tang raised you
Agreed then we'll really be on our A game tomorrow. And by A I mean alcohol.
i found you laying on the floor staring at the ceiling and you kept muttering "why" in various inflections.
I just want him to get into an accident where he's horribly disfigured but otherwise fine so he's not so freaking handsome
this is the fourth time i've taken my clothes off for money this year. is that normal for the average college sophomore?
I love you even if you are fucked up. If you fall, i'll just get on top of you.
Randomize
