Dude she looked like Jerry Garcia's knuckles
why the fuck would he compare you to sexy aquatic creatures?
I'm hiding out in the living room until he falls back asleep. If he catches a whiff of my tits, it's all over. I just need to play it cool. Babies can smell fear
With me living this close to Mexico now, Tequila is just a geographical choice at this point if nothing else.
For months it was all good and well just having sex. Now, something in me has snapped and I'm dreaming of taking turtleneck Christmas pictures with him. Fuck you, we're going out tonight. I need this.
Also, if someone could cut me off before im rolling around the yard pantsless with a 40 year old lesbian that would be awesome.
I feel like my nipples were chewed on by alligators.
I'm sure we could go all project runway on our diapers and create some flattering absorbent thongs. We could do it on the Boat. Call it project rumway.
My TA is here with a sombrero and an entire bottle of Svedka. Skip jury duty.
He came back with a Butterfinger and vibrator batteries. There's no refusing him now.
I'll never lecture you, go get that dick baby girl make momma proud,I didn't raise no quitter
When God made him he put all his talent in his dick. What he lacks in brain, he makes up for in loin.
As your friend, I promise I will drink a full bottle of vodka and belly slide down the stairs with you if that test is positive
we went to go have morning sex and I said “I was gonna put my mouth on it but you need to shower”#ruinedthemoment
Honestly, you can’t tell the whole sorority he has a donkey dick and expect that no one would sleep with him after you broke up
Randomize
