hey my socially awkward cousin is our designated driver for summer, we just have to put up with her wierd shit.
so she asked me if I thought she was fat and naturally I said no..... but I think she might catch on
who is she? I really hope you have an explanation cause either you think I'm fat or you're cheating on me
just fed a duck at the lake a weed brownie. it hasnt moved in 20 minutes.
Would the plural word for douche be deese? "Look at these deese bags"?
Are you high?
Correct me if I'm wrong here... but did we serenade each others breasts to "winds of change" last night?
It was her first time with a girl so I put on my tegan and Sara playlist to really get the full experience.
i think you ate grass..but you refused to open your mouth so we could see..
He tried to eat me out in the bath... I said it was a bad idea, but he said it was good snorkelling practice for vaca.
I'm amazed your boyfriend is still with you, how do you manage to pee on him while he is holding you in his lap?
I'm sorry for gagging during our first time having sex
I was drunk
Please answer
Last I saw, they went for a smoke and only one came back. He passed out outside. I'm glad he's only 120lbs. I left him on the rug still. My mom is gonna be pissed.
I also got a mission for you and you're gonna love it. Biggest. Hospital. Party. Ever.
I was telling everyone at the frat that they had to try the "fantastic refreshment" that was everclear, vodka and country time
I swear if you get so drunk that I have to sing Bohemian Rhapsody to you again to get you to come out of the bathroom I'm leaving you at the bar this time.
I'm not coming to work today because tequila
Randomize
