i want to be waterboarded, just to see what all the fuss is about
Stars make me really horny. Especially that shiny one its just staring at me.
My 10 year old son gave me a bottle of jameson for fathers day. Did you have something to do with this?
I used puppy pads next to the couch for her to throw up on....
I told the bartender that he could give me back the tip I gave him if he outsmarted me in a battle of wits. He has yet to challenge me.
Idk. Each time I ask him about double teaming a woman with Dennis Rodman he just giggles. We will never know what to believe.
every Thursday i draw one of my friends names out of a hat to choose who i will drunkenly text all weekend
I'm going to go out on a limb and say last night was a success, also the neighbors are counting down the days until we move out.
Someday, but I will be heavily drugged and there will be no dolphins.
Never let a one night stand shower at your place. My razor, lotion, and brush disappeared. #girlcode
Watching the series finale of Friends and crying in my Thai food. I don't like hangover Jared.
I don't know what you're doing this morning, but obtaining Plan B is my number-one priority.
I just got back like 5 minutes ago, I have two champagne bottles that I carried with me on the train home and a Dunkin donuts coffee cup full of stolen butter, I've been in a windowless room for the last 6 hours, time does not exist
what is your life
Free champagne that's what
Did I just pee in the Taco Bell parking lot?
Yep. But do you remember wiping with my quesadilla?
I wanted to make my beer stronger so I poured vodka in it. Why god....why
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