Gte hit a new low, I took a poopnap, passed out mid poop on the toilet.
Do you think this abandoned cigarette has herpes? cuz I'm tempted.
you are the weird ass hat to my lady gaga
We started hooking up and a group of freshmen outside my window started chanting my name. Encouraging yet distracting
Should you consider yourself out of control when everyone at the party is cheering you on while you're puking, and on the last heave you act like you're rolling dice right before the finale???
Dude, if she brings up the lube, you know nothing
Say what you want, but those Fraggle Rock DVDs have gotten me laid twice.
I shouldn't have to say "get your balls off my counter" on a Wednesday.
My penis just literally said "Yaaaaaay!!!" It's the first time it's spoken out loud. Before this we could only communicate through rudimentary sign language
How does one acquire holy water?
It's like those toothpaste commercials where 4 out of 5 dentists would recommend your vagina
If God is analyzing my life right now extremely proud or dissapointed but either way I took wednesday night drinkin to new levels
yeah. i tried to refuse to leave unless the burger king himself escorted me out. that didnt fly
Last night I actually told him I came with a washer and dryer
I’ve basically been controlling him with my tits for months now, so I can’t even imagine what would happen if I start banging him
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