So I went into my gym pretty wasted and asked the trainer guy if i could order a cock meat sandwich. Needless to say, I'm canceling my membership tomorrow.
You know, if there were no such thing as marriage, i don't think porn would exist.
He screamed "Oh boy! Oh boy!" during climax.
Cracked my iPhone screen. Real bad. Girl from last night isn't ugly yet. Stop me if you still think she belongs under a bridge. You have 12 seconds.
Peeing off the roof of a motel lighting a cigar with matches and speaking fluent spanish with a chilen exchange student...how do iget into these situations?
Topless bubble bath with a lesbian is debatable as a gay experience.
Will it be a clothes optional week when I get there? I have an amazing outfit of tattoos and toenail polish planned.
He has what he calls a "Ben Franklin". It's a pubic hairdo based on the man himself; long on the sides and bald in the middle.
So I'm not dead, but close call. I think I can handle one more bar.
How is there no taco emoji?! That's some bullshit.
My new hobby is moving his stuff to random places in the house. Good luck making a smoothing at 6:30 in the morning, the blender top's in the dog food container
I just had a spiritual connection with my sweater and did ballet in the hallway. Alone. I'd say we're gonna chalk that up as a win for marijuana and call it a night
The only thing about him that I appreciated was that he destroyed the bathroom at your birthday and missed singing to you. And we all knew.
Bro I just got a hand job playing tiny wings.. Hell yea
remind me again why we thought drinking hungarian moonshine was a good idea
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