u on campus? she just peed the bed i need to go
Don't interrupt me, I have a limited time to be high and thus be remarkably good at Pac Man
He has that cheese in a can and he's eating it. I have never seen that outside a goofy movie.
Apparently I also called my credit card company to demand a credit limit increase. I'm so content with not drinking another 60 days
the thing I didn't realize I would miss about college is that at home you can't just dismiss your sex bruises as drunk accidents
We need to be on the same page regarding the 3some this time. No more "one of us should probably leave" moments.
Suddenly I feel like all I did this summer was have sex in our apartment
Just peed in the fountain while its snowing. Fell flat on my ass, literally my butt naked ass in a pile of snow. It's safe to say I'm done with drinking on weekdays
Just jerked off with bubble wrap. Not as awesome as it sounds.
Oh my god I haven't had mozzarella sticks since I banged that Applebee's waiter
Sending a pic of labia to send to the TN Legislator. Obviously they don't think I know what to do with it so I'm gonna ask them for advice.
if jesus wore shoes made out of pure flavor and hurricane kicked u in the face thats how it feels to eat pizza bites right now
Did anyone see us fucking last night on the giant turtle outside downtown Disney?
Ooooh no. Jesus take the wheel, or Moses. SOMEBODY TAKE THE WHEEL
I'm fine. Heading home now...crying. Michael Bolton totally understands me!
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