Taljing aboutpenisrs w gerruly ska pops
Right before he passed out, he said "Stuporman, coming in for a landing"
I love drunk self when he leaves a prepacked bong for the morning... in the bathroom.
New policy: when a woman uses the word blowjob in a sentence within 5 minutes of meeting her, you buy her a drink.
She barfed in the corner of the baby pool. Then she yelled "it's okay" repeatedly while trying to scoop it out.
My date just wheeled me home in a shopping cart but it was normal
At the gym and this really hot trainer checked me out and was talking to his buddy about his workout. He then says "yeah man, like I'm doing so many reps- what's 7 times 7, 45?"
He was THIS close.
When Vanessa's kindergarten teacher called me in because she was caught with her hand down some boys pants in the bathroom, I knew you babysat last week.
Only Tommy would bring a stripper pole to a bonfire
He handcuffed himself to the keg... D is hooking up with him anyway.
Ok, they now been on the roof for two days. I can see 4 cases of teecate and a carton of smokes. They are yelling at "fucking fall" and pissing off the roof.
Trying to put a fitted sheet on drunk is one of the boss levels of slutty adulthood.
We hooked up for a while and on his way out he high fived me and said "stay weird"
When do you sleep by the way. I was surprised when I went to work at 1 am,left at 7 am and had a text from you somewhere in between
I just vodka nap now...
I just saw your mom take a body shot off an undergrad, please tell me you're somewhere near by.
Randomize
