You should have seen the look on the cashiers face when I was buying steel reserve with a suit on.
you'd be alarmed at how much plan b i just found in mom's bathroom...
He said he forgot to take his shoes off, and that he was a bad boy because he was walking on the carpet. Then he sang. Then he shouted "I'M STILL FORGETTING."
I mean, I'm all about sharing, but when he tells me about his wet dreams about Oprah, I think it's taking it too far.
I'm bringing a flask to the test on friday. If I'm gonna fail at least I can enjoy the experience
Come down. You're the next contestant on this bowl.
So I was about the only one NOT pregaming or stoned at my aunt's funeral... Maybe thats why I'm the black sheep.
No, that was the night I helicoptered my dick to oncoming traffic. Im talking about the night I ran naked down the street.
I took shrooms last night.. For a good half hour I genuinely believed I was black and being held captive by a leaf. Never again.
We had to take the hinges off the bathroom door. Needless to say, you are no longer welcome at that bar
Idk how I even got accepted into college because literally the only things my brain ever thinks about are YouTube videos of baby animals and sex.
McDonald's and a car nap. I feel kinda human
This is worse than naked and afraid. This is drunk and confused.
I'm still depressed that I forgot my ice cream at your place
He fingerfucked me in the hot tub and then we had sex in the wine cellar. See thats why I like partying with rich people
Randomize
