the next time i see a chick with leggings under her jean skirt...i'm gona beat her ass with a fashion magazine...
I wish they made sweatshirts for legs
you mean pants?
You were running around the house with a purple crayon asking people to call you harold..
I wish I had a waterproof laptop so that I would watch porn in the shower.
Well, technically I had a shirt on, it was just around my waist.
Important info for allergy season. An orgasm will unblock stuffy sinuses.
In mid-threesome, need more condoms. Wearing a sheet to the gas station. I'll keep you posted
it is a toga and you are a goddess.
You have not lived until you've seen your mother stumble into the house with one shoe on mumbling incoherently about tequila cupcakes.
I'm in the sex attic, crying, eating french toast and taco
It's ok. I will share any beautiful men that I drug and leave unconscious on my bed. I'm that kind of friend.
I spent the morning naked in her roommates closet because her parents decided to come over after church..
It's been two dates and she just invited me to her aunts funeral. I can't even. Who the fuck does that? I need to drink I'm coming to get you in 5
Pretty sure the guy I hooked up with Saturday gave me a buy one get one free coupon for chipotle. Who said nice guys don't exist?
Now accepting any stories about my adventures last night, in particular why my knuckles are bleeding.
someone is getting fuckign RAWDOGGED on this campus as we speak and it makes me FURIOUS
Randomize
