i just woke up and its 10 o'clock and the words "Robbies Fave Restraunt" and written in sharpie above my vage. Help me.
that last vodka shot was definitely the straw that broke the camels alcohol tolerance level
Just slept with my boyfriend's roomie to learn if bf was cheating on me
Good plan. When in doubt, sleep about.
On the bright side I got 500 American Express points paying for the abortion
She was drunk breaking up with me. All of my emails to her were coming back with UNSUBSCRIBE as the subject.
Wait..I think something else did happen last night my vagina is too pleased for this level of hangover..
She is just sitting by the bathroom like a little puppy waiting for a knight in shining armor to take her in there to fuck her. New low?
I think I just sold a snake to a stoned teenager.
I am trying to take a picture of a man in a wheelchair trying to ship a michael jackson portrait
just texted my dealer that i could taste the blue but not the cheese. i said i could taste blue.
He held my hand in public and I nearly came. Like he needs to be inside of me yesterday.
It's beautiful and huge. Like a dinosaur.
And the last thing I remember was you in the bed with the german guy screaming "wrong hole" I laughed n passed out
I'd rather explain to the cops why I'm naked than why I'm drunk.
There is way too much butt cleavage here for a formal event.
Randomize
