The worst part was when my mom got more drunk than anyone else and started doing the Time Warp.
Its about making memories worth repressing
Ended up passed out drunk in the neighbors lawn, still in costume. Neighbors thought I was a lawn decoration. Ten points for best Halloween ever.
No jewlry, no bra, and no pen. I couldnt be more prepared for a friday morning class.
I love having hate sex.
Just smoked a bowl with the exterminator. I think my day is more productive.
its a vaginal recession for me, ill take what i can get
Wondering when "babysitting" formed into "sleeping on the couch for five hours nursing a hangover and giving the kids Nyquil."
I got laid and laid off at a conference in long beach all on the same day
Eh. They balance each other out
dude, you were feeling up her boob for 20 minutes in front of the guy she was hitting on because you and her had an argument over who had bigger boobs.
hey man, it was for science okay.
Can I steal her, take her home, and feed her only vodka?
Went into Walmart to get a pregnancy test. Came out with a beta fish and chocolate.
I love how when they see that I'm upset their initial response is to offer me ecstasy
I have an ideal penis or slightly above ideal penis in every country that isn't ruined by the specter of communism
wtf why is there glitter all over my dog
Randomize
