last night i was so high that when a homeless person asked me for a dollar, i responded: dolla dolla bill ya'll.
We were laughing at the passed out guy who had gone to sleep under the car in the McDonald's lot until we realized it was you.
he said he got tested two months ago... he goes with his whole family.
BTW. If I show up really drunk and dressed a cowboy, don't be alarmed
Thank God I didn't lose my virginity to that asshole. That woulda been like winnin a raffle ticket for a free bag of dog shit. But with like a really pretty bag. A pretty bag full of dog shit.
I am wearing two different shoes and just swallowed my gum. Wake the fuck up and bang the bartender already.
So i am officially handcuffed to the pole on the party bus while taking jello shots.....this shall be an interesting night
Just saw a couple do like 5 Sakai bombs and my dad goes "who says love is dead"
Note to self don't give these guys your number. I've seen more dick tonight than a proctologist sees his whole career
i just woke up to her giving me a toothy BJ so I had to break into your bedroom and steal about 4 condoms. Sorry for waking you. :(
Started mixing booze directly into the 2 liters and carrying them around. Mixing less often, and now kind of weightlifting,so double effecient.
I HAVE A STRAIGHT LINE ACROSS MY ASS ABOUT THE WIDTH OF A SLIM JIM. ERICA!
I told him he looked like my uncle.
Why would you say that in a bathtub?
This morning we had sex while he was wearing a full length fur jacket and sunglasses... I wasn't even phased
Guess who cheated on their SATs? Also on the same line guess who's getting in to Princeton at damn near free of charge?
Randomize
