Spencer Pratt, I WILL beat the shit out of you someday, I Promise
I just spent all my babysitting money on red cups and beer.
People still let you watch their kids?
Just made out with the bride... She was still in her dress & I was still in my bridesmaid dress, how's that for an album picture?!?
I CAME AT YOU WITH RAW FEELING
you grabbed my dick through my pants and hissed at me.
i'm sober ask me anything about the civil war
When you gave the girl your number the fat girl was like "take mine....here please take mine"
The secrurity code on my debit card is 420, can not lose this card.
Want to FaceTime and watch me finish this bagel?
You're a Heat fan? You lose any chance blowjob bc of your poor choice.
I just sneezed and margarita mix and ash came out of my nose. I love jersey
Can cross "get fingered at a state park" off my bucket list
"Only you can prevent yeast infections."
Yeah because the only thing stopping you from fucking Emma Watson is you not being a Gryffindor
Uhmmmm is there really any way to tactfully ask "you into me jerking you off with my feet... or nah" cause if you find one let me know 😂
I cant tell you how much harder a belt makes hoeing
I informed him that we had less than 5 minutes left to live, and his first words were "I'm trying to think of a good They Might Be Giants quip"
Randomize
