He's been sleeping iwht ***
Nooo
Yeah I don't even know how, she looks like her mom smoked crack while she was in the womb
And then hit her in the face with a shovel
I cant go down on him yet. All ive had to eat is olives and percocet. semen would only add to tomorow mornings discomfort.
i want the original willy wonka imagination song to come on when i take a girl to my room
Nothing ruins a good sext like too many emoticons
i walked toward the cop car thinking it was the liquor store lights nd by that time it was too late to escape the trap
im wtih 32a right now bc 34d is on her period. now i know how girls feel when their hookups go from magnums to regulars
One of the bamboo sticks broke and impaled him. I think he's drunk enough that it shouldn't hurt until tomorrow.
Is this a genuine concern or are you just high?
JUST BECAUSE I'M HIGH DOESN'T MEAN ITS NOT GENUINE CONCERN.
Pretty sure encouraging you to sleep with 2 different girls while keeping you in the good graces of both has lost me the ability to call myself a woman. But that's just the kind of friend I am; dedicated.
The to do list extremely baked self wrote for me last night says "1. Join gym 2. Passport? 3. Join a gym" And then just a drawing of a squid
I asked if I could borrow some condoms. She referred to herself as "a soup kitchen for whores".
Well, I washed his beard with dish soap and then I fucked him three times.
Woke up with chlamydia and a bruised rib. I'd say my boss is gonna be mad about me not showing up to work, except you know.. it's her fault.
He couldn't undo my bra. He ended up breaking the clasp he clawed at it so long. We met on Tinder for God sake
He was like "why do you look so cute today?" and I said "I showered" and he laughed. I wasn't making a joke
Randomize
