The bars here don't close until 4!
my legs don't close until 4
some 7 year old just told me his favorite rapper was eminem and kim got what she deserved...god damn today's youth is in a dark period
mom just called and i was mid bong hit but i answered anyways coughing and sounding rough she the apologized for waking her little angel up. its 2PM
Dating my ex's drug dealer.. best. revenge. ever.
She bit a glass in half.
I just saw her shopping list. The only things on it are blackberries, hot fudge and condoms. I almost don't wanna know. Almost.
I am thinkingif I am doing snow Angels in your living room, I probably had too much to drink
Let's not refer to him as Dustin. That makes him seek like a real person, not just a dick I would like to experience.
I'm in the power napping at parties stage of my life
Some kid just stopped wherever he was walking, turned to me, and gave me a slow clap. So I'm pretty sure my walk of shame beats yours.
Home-made laxative recipe: activia yogurt and tequila shots. Any ratio ought to work.
i need to stop establishing animals as safe words. Giraffe and Penguin are really awkward words to say during sex
Will you be doing the frenzied booty dance of passionate ownage on my penis tonight
Is it illegal to hookup with your fathers god child?
If only he'd realize the fondness I have for his genitals.
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