Would it be horrible to send my ex's girlfriend an email telling her that I sexed her man up so dirty that he fell asleep inside of me afterwards?
I'm sad I can't be there is wknd, I'm laying on the beach and daydreaming of you / crying a bit
I'm watching a porn and daydreaming of you. Sounds like we both need Kleenex
3 complete strangers have joyously high-fived me on campus today. Tell me why, starting after jager bomb #4.
You know its going to be a good homecoming when you beer bong a mimosa at 6am.
just heard 2 nerds making fun of a girl for mispronouncing stochiometry. they followed it up by discussing the mathematical equation for getting laid. my day just became 100x better.
I am not a stalker...i just bring a whole new meaning to the word love
Somehow he came on his own face...then he freaked out
I just witnessed Grandma making her infamous daiquiris. Extraordinary.
It was sunday, you had a camel back of bloody mary stumbling around a dog park with no dog.
Going to the market. I need some nachos and a serious re-evalution of my life.
Just found an "inspected with pride" sticker on or around my vagina
sick fucks of a feather flock together
She's wearing her dead grandmother's pearl on the married finger so no guys "bother her" tonight... I am not THAT committed to Girl's Night.
I never thought my Saturday night would end up with someone crawling around my carpet for 3 hours trying to pick up spilled coke...
I never thought my Saturday night would end up with ME crawling around your carpet for 3 hours trying to save my investment.
Would you be so kind as to inform your husband that my truck is forever cursed by mashed potatoes and it's his fault.
Randomize
