i'm in hospital, i have an exam in 3 hours and the man in the cubicle next to me is doing a noisy poo. this has to get better.
I told her for every minute she spent down there, I would donate a dollar to the Haiti relief fund... totally worked
Just saw a picture of your new tub, cant wait to pee in it
You were rubbing sand all over yourself and everyone else and claiming you were "EXFOLIATING."
did you know that if you have sex in the elevator on the way up that people can still get in?
he found cum stains on my sheets and all i could blurt out was "better on the sheets than in me"
i got her number while she was sitting next to her boyfriend. her actual number. i might be a superhero
Last thing I remember clearly was, "ok, but if we're are gonna get drunk before class, there's no half-doing this"
Was it fun? The night started with home made Jager and ended in him falling out of a tree with a pocket full of house numbers...you tell me.
I feel like I'm eight miles away and my brain is just now getting here. You got a lot of fucking catching up to do.
But college guys get to crossfade so there's that
No idea what that is
Like getting bent? When you drink and smoke together...
I'm 30 stop using your cool kids words
some kid lit a j in the bar tonight. i was in awe of both his boldness and the severe beatdown he received moments later
Just called the boss a "cunt baguette". To her face. This is why I can't drink with people from work. Know of anywhere that's hiring?
Some guy just walked past the bus stop in a lab coat and with a samurai sword and case...
thanks for the bj man. also make sure you close the gate behind you. the chickens are out.
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