his text ended with ... everyone knows dot dot dot equals infer sexy time
She called me Jeff during sex, I just kept going like nothing happened. To think, if I was a woman that would be a problem.
I wish straight boys touched me the way gay boys do.
you know it's the perfect hook up when you don't have any friends in common with his girlfriend on facebook.
So we get back to the hotel room and Tom strips off his clothes... His first sexual act as my fiance? Helicopter dick. I gave him a high five.
Absolutely. I could drink and smoke that memory away in a matter of years at my current rate.
before the moonshine you were already braiding the bouncers beard -_-
Last night we got home from the bar and saw a fox outside and we lured it in the house with a piece of cheese. Just wanted to party with some potentially dangerous wildlife I guess.
I'm high and reading a Wikipedia article on circumcision procedure. Help.
I did get to watch you pee, tho. That counts as another precious moment.
Exactly best part of my night he took of his shirt and surprise traveler fanny pack
I get so sad when I watch him slowly destroy his life with whiskey and cocaine. Then he bites my neck and I just want to fuck him. I can't help it.
stop texting me about your public sex.
says she who narrated getting eaten out in a movie theatre over text to me
We had a pink drink in honor of my underwear and apparently I made out with our bartender... a few times
All she said was "Do me by Friday."
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