I see my mary-anne walkin' awa-y-y! Bow Nahw now new, ne ne ne ne ne, ne ne nehw, ne ne new new Nah dan ah bwawn-now, ba bwan'll buh dada bwiddly doo.
That was supposed to be me air guitaring the solo from More than A Feeling
I guess there's a 50 percent chance that it was her that wet my bed.
The guy in front of me in line at Starbucks looks kinda like Danica Patrick except he has a huge boner.
I wish there was a facebook app that filtered my notifications to show only the ones having to do with people who'll fuck me.
he keeps calling me but I'm too scared to answer... Not sure what he's gonna yell at me for: barging into his room while he was with another girl, filling her shoes with dog food and water, or hiding his keys in the garbage disposal.....
I was on hold waiting for customer service at verizon so we obviously we had enough time to have sex, i just put the phone on speaker
After she came with my hands around her neck, she sat there for a minute and gave me the scuba diving sign for a-ok.
She just kept tellin me God was coming back and he was leavin her with a bag of stale doritoes and shitty friends.
Last thing I remember is Dusty riding the bikes we "borrowed" from the hotel through the CVS while the rest of us picked up the girls who were laughing at him
All I wanted was a hug. You dirty, dirty whore.
Have the decency to NOT HANG YOU'RE USED CONDOM ON THE FOOSEBALL HANDLES! Dickhead.
I just went through the Wendy's drive thru only wearing a towel. My life has hit an all time low
He's 5'2" and his dick 4'8"
So is the trick to long distance communication to be drunk during phone conversations?
Soon to be ex is nowhere to be found. Her attorney/new BF just showed up. 30 minutes late looking hungover. Pretty sure I'm getting the kids AND the house!
Randomize