Literal conversation "you are ________ ____. you facebook friended me"
I just offered a homeless man a meal from McDonald's, and he replied "I don't eat McDonald's food". That is the epitome of "begger's can't be choosers."
Passing out during sex is actually quite pleasant. its like being rocked to sleep with a penis
i dont care if it was her birthday. if she leaves me with a half rack of budweiser and her boyfriend obviously shits gonna go down.
Just whatever you do please don't lick his face again.
currently pooping in a public restroom while drinking free beer. there has never been a finer line between awesome and depressing.
I really wanna know when trying to grow up turned into try not to throw up.
Ive never seen him vulnerable before. He just had surgery and looked so cute on his crutches. like a little baby bird with a broken wing. that i wanted to nurse back to health. with my vagina
After some trial and error I found soaking my balls in maple syurip helps ease the pain.
Good new is, my parents are alive. Better news they will be in the hospital all weekend. Best news is im having a house party. All weekend.
walk of shame across osu's campus on game day. i can see all the spots i threw up last night. its like my personal yellow brick road.
and i thought it was paint or jizz but it was cheese
please tell me you didnt taste test that
Sorry I banged your sister. But in my defense you ain't fucked me in a month. In fact I should get a medal for keeping it in your family.
it was awkward when he was taking off my clothes and i had to help him undo my fanny pack
When the people downstairs start talking about drugs, I second guess buying my drugs from them. Then I remember they are cheap and convenient.
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