you described his penis as a "portable fishing pole"
sorry for allegedly lighting the beer pong balls of fire
pretty sure I called you last night to sing Hebrew to you.
I'm not really into her personality. Not that we've ever looked for personality in women.
That's only a quality to look for in a second marriage.
I'm doing blow on my fuzzy rug
Come join me
He's scared I want a relationship? How does texting him at three am and sleeping with four of my exes symbolize that?
Dang. We need a girls trip ASAP. Preferably in a country who has even lower standards than us on a Friday night.
Is there a coat check? I stole 10 vases of flowers along with two bottles of champagne and I'm not sure what to do with them.
Wellp yesterday was spent absurdly hungover and today was spent in planned parenthood so I hope that's not an indication of the year to come
Who put the meatball sub on my door handle?
This text constitutes a formal request for sexual congress under the terms of our Relationship Agreement.
TFW YOU ACCIDENTALLY SEND A MEME ABOUT LIKING ANAL TO THE GROUP CHAT. JESUS FUCKING CHRIST, WHAT IS WRONG WITH ME?
It's not even noon and I've had 3 people call me a savage, one of them said it in reference to the blow job I gave them. So I guess you could say it's going to be a good weekend
He doesn't have much of a personality but he makes up for it with his sexual prowess
keeper.
Attention, i sprayed windex on me to disguise the scent of sex and regret off my clothes from last night
Randomize
