So I said to her: one time i broke my dick and when they took off the cast i could cum across a baseball field
OMFG I JUST SAW SOMEONE GIVING SOMEONE ELSE ROAD HEAD AND THEY HIT A POTHOLE. my day has been officially made.
It tastes like I coughed up blood....hello liver damage, I've been expecting you.
just because she blew him doesn't mean she knows his name.
Got blown by one of the bridesmaids. Family BBQ today. They all know. Talk about awkward.
i want the original willy wonka imagination song to come on when i take a girl to my room
I told him i wanted to be exclusively cheating with him
Screw it. I'll show up in a white dress with a sign that says " I fucked the groom and it wasn't that great."
HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO LOOK FUCKABLE IN AN ALL NEON SPANDEX JUMPSUIT?
i woke up this morning and saw her in my bed and i said to myself, I think I might have a drinking problem.
dude, im taking a shit and i just realized it's his MOM in the shower not him...oh fuck
mom had to come pick me up from the hotel. I crawled to her car. She told me the entire way home if I puked in it I was going to lick it up. Like high school all over again...
My balls are resting on a block of frozen cheese in a sealed bag
Only I would get an underage 24 hours before turning 21.
Pro: 2020 made it easier to hook up with strippers
Con: explaining to Kari why there’s always strippers at our house
Pro: there’s always strippers at our house
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