Have you ever secretly resented a girl for wanting to have sex when all you really wanted to do was rub one out and go to sleep?
is it wrong to smoke out middle schoolers?
yes...dear jesus what did you do?
bwahaha. ask your little brother in about 20 minutes. im dropping him off.
There is a reason Crest White Strips don't list masturbation as one of the myriad of activities to do while whitening your teeth. A very good reason.
my hangover today makes thursday's feel like a bubble bath.
ol I'll be okay, it's only a christmas party so the worst that could happen is I end up playing madden naked again
I think I just met the technical qualifications for binge drinking in five minutes
I'm still not walking right. We need some boundaries for "drink-or-dare"...
We were pulling the glow sticks off of him and he just kept yelling, "my bones! You're taking my bones!" and asking me if I was on the crew team
So I definitely tried to pay a cab with baseball tickets last night
I'm batshit crazy. I don't know how you guys keep forgetting that
A German guy asked me to take a bath with him. I can't tell if he's just an eccentric European or a run of the mill creep.
It was a fun night! I woke up with a boyfriend, again....
I woke up naked next to my hot manager. Left before she woke up, and worked an entire shift with her. She has no idea.
How naked do you want me to be?
I'll talk to you in a minute. Gotta put my peacocks away
Randomize