I'm youtube-ing children's choirs. Am I adorable? Or am I a child predator?
Predator. Straight up.
Hey when you come over to pick me up in the mornin bring a camera. This is going to be legendary. Don't knock.... They might cover up
I just woke up. In the port-o-potty next to our tailgate. an hour after the game started. explain.
Because of no shave november, it's no boys december... pay back
is it weird that i blow-dry my hair and poop at the same time?
not any weirder than you telling me this at 4 in the morning
Tonight I think I'm going to go out with a french braid so I don't wake up with puke hair. Thoughts?
And your mom thought you weren't even thinking about your future... she would be proud
the only compliment i could think of for this chick was that she looked 'moderately attractive'
The good news is the house is clean, the bad news is someone redecorated the bonus room by spray painting "free willy" on the wall in honor of the girl who passed out in there last night.
Feels like someone put a cigar out where my butthole used to live
Strange request but for my birthday you should get me one of those vibrators that you can plug into your iPod that go along with the music.
We're like adult pinky and the brain when they decided that taking over the world is unrealistic so they aim lower by trying to get drunk every day.
You fucked two dudes in the same night and still went home to your cats. How does that happen?
I grinded with the guy who brought the scooter, I'm leaving with success
He's all enlightened and liberal. My next beefcake will be much more Neanderthal.
We keep making plans but he keeps getting arrested. Such a tease
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