You're going to have to start masturbating with your left hand. Or with someone's vagina
i'm at sigma nu and gary is here. what do it do?
Stay away from his face.
so i go for his dick?
What happened at the top of the stairs is never to be spoken of again.
I want her autograph on my taint
I have never smelled more like a drunk mariachi band than I do right now.
My mom slipped a condom in my pocket along with a sticky note that said "be safe sweetie."
there's still three solo cups of your puke in my basement. so that needs to be solved at some point.
I got turned off after he said, "i can see us in the future...me, you, and a back yard full of alpacas."
You are the funniest drunk Jew I know. Never in my life have I witnessed someone respond, "Is your dick kosher?" while being picked-up on.
She made me walk a straight line to prove i was sober enough to help carry you to the car
Knowing you it was perfect out of spite. Like. A line straighter than YOU
Urgent. Do not ignore. What does this "=$" shit mean. Quality foreign dick is at stake here
Getting robbed by hookers is def a right of passage in a mans life
Packing for college has become a game of where did I hide my sex toys.
He called me khaleesi while I rode his dick. He wins
To be fair, this is a tequila-while-rewatching-Benedict-Cumberbatch-as-Van-Gogh idea, so I don't know if it will hold up tomorrow.
Randomize
