There is no way to make a throwing up smiley so just picture it....
My body isn't even mad at me...just disappointed
i think it would be like really awesome if scientist could genetically engineer manatees to be like the size of goldfish so i could have one in my fishbowl and be like FUCK YEAH TINY MANATEE
Just heard this lady walk by on her phone saying "did everyone orgasm?"
we made out at a charity event. really i was helping the fight against aids...
In between when I last wrote and now have screwed a Swiss guy on a hostel bathroom floor. Okay, real life?
all I wanna do is swim in an Olympic sized pool of Gatorade and tylenol.
She did my hair, then ate me out. Switching teams was an awesome decision.
Druken naked yoga : jus another ploy to keep your husbands eye in check
So who won the naked front yard Olympics last night?
Well my tits are spray painted gold & i have what i think r the Olympic rings shaved in my vag !!!!!!!SO its safe to say i won something ....
How do I have sand in my vagina if we were an hour away from the beach?
Oh goddamn. That a super downer Tuesday reality right there. Just hit me with the cold, hard, nasty facts.
His dog was laying on the bed and he said we could have sex as long as we didn't disturb his dog. My life is pathetic
We need to borrow someone's dog. Just so we can non-creepily go to PetSmart and watch all the other dogs take photos with Santa
I'm "drunk text both siblings" drunk.
Randomize
