singing james blunt while drunk. tell me thats not wonderful
Pretending to care about her feelings is becoming a full time job
As it turns out, strippers don't accept checks.
Sometimes one must go to great lengths and make great sacrifices to get drunk. I willingly accept the challenge.
I want to start this convo out by apologizing for the broken toaster.
I woke up this morning covered in blood and peanut butter. I am now safe from vampires with nut allergies.
I'll never be able to have sex on these sheets. I'd have to cover up the eyes of every single Elmo.
I swear she looks like a sloth.... I'll toss a coin...
I know it was your bday but bringing a airhorn and blowing it yelling "buy me a fucking shot" in the bartenders face was a little uncalled for
my roommate would be appalled if she knew how many times i've peed in the kitchen sink
In other news, Justin Bieber has a big dick and that makes me uncomfortable.
It's only 10am and I doubt my day could get much worse. During my 9am meeting I had to sit between my boss who I fucked for my promotion and the guy he walked in on me fucking on the copier
I come into the house and he's fucking doing karaoke by himself... Lady gaga
So in hindsight, going through the McDonald's drive thru plastered at 4 a.m. on stolen bikes was a bad idea.
I have serious attachment issues. I just realized how long its been since ive smoked out of my bong and I feel guilty for dis owning it this week
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