I wish a night of watching Dear John and a bottle of wine could cure my herpes.
his extensive knowledge of the age of consent laws kinda scares me....
I woke up five hours later with a mouthful of Jimmy John's while clinging to my sandwich.
I heard you were drinking whiskey straight from the bottle last night.
Actually I was drinking whiskey straight from 3 bottles, but that is neither here nor there.
I tried to stop that, but then I pulled the leaves out of my panties and went to sleep.
I was looking threw the photos on my phone. There is 8 different ones of us peeing on things.
He convinced the breakfast vendor to melt twix bars on bacon for me at 4am. He slurred every word. I think I found my prince charming.
My one night stand said I love you, opened my fridge, stole my cream cheese and left.
he only noticed i dyed my hair purple like halfway through sex and he looked really shocked and he just said "You look like Barney." as he came.
How did it feel to just observe all the people blacking out usually you're on the other end of things
I felt like I was at the zoo
well. can officially check "get caught having sex on the front porch by the neighbors" off the bucket list.
I may have just tried to argue quantum entanglement as the reason I was still in her bed.
Vasectomy results are in. No swimmers in the water. REPEAT. No swimmers in the water. Come help me harness my new found super-power
Far too many of our conversations end in us talking about sperm
There's a rash on my genitals that would like a word with you.
Randomize
