how much do you want to bet that her wedding invites will be vera bradley themed? loser has to frame theirs.
sometimes I think that if I just met him. he would have a crazy realization and fall madly in love with me. what do you say? I'm not just another fan.
dude you were so wasted last night you ate a sandwich made out of tomatos, cheese, doritos, salt & pepper. Then you heated it in the micro for 5 min to melt the cheese.
She needs to learn what's it like to have sex with someone and regret it the next day.
Since when does wearing a condom and going down on me make someone a gentlemen?
My bracket is officially just a list of teams that lost.
Well, I looked over and you and him were each making out with a fireman. And then you switched. And you probably spent an hour like that.
congratulations to me i think I am on the road to legitimate alcoholism
cool. same. I'm in class drinking
NOT OKAY
sorry for partying
THATS NOT PARTYING THATS DRINKING IN CLASS
Whoever I saved in my phone as "Jackpot" last night has your keys.
Chris threw beer can at guy. Guy ended up being a fighter. Chris got his eye socket broke. Fighter got hand re-broke. Chris is passed out. Fighter is in kellys bed. everybody won last night. I think.
Or stump rather since he's possibly large. Large penises don't have tips, just blunt ends of battering rams.
We mailed him an 18 inch double headed dildo for his birthday. The Fedex guys certainly got a laugh out of it.
Kinda forgot to grab tampons. Mind if I run to my house to get one? I'd rather not turn my green skinny jeans Christmas colors
I slept with one of the directors so you would get a good price on the ballroom for your reception. I'm the best MOH. You owe me bitch
There's always a silver lining when massive voluptuous tits are involved
Randomize
