i just heard Winston Churchill in auto-tune. thank you nerds.
In retrospect, getting to second base BEFORE anal wouldve been a good idea
I'm buying eyelash glue, salt, and limes. We know how tonight is ending.
Every time she shows up on my newsfeed, I get the taste of tequila in my mouth.
Umm, ya, half our class is sitting in starbucks passing around flasks. Yes, flasks. Plural. Going to join them, we're all giving oral presentations in 20. Go hard or go home.
Just saw 1 guy dressed as a cow and another dressed as a shrimp dancing on the side of the road. We're turning around I NEED to dance with them.
I just had the stunning realization that I lost my virginity in a bunk bed.
Had to sacrifice my vibrator batteries to the thermostat gods. I had a dirty dream and also almost a heat stroke.
I just have to decide what I love more, food or dick.
How old am I that I had to sneak a boy out of my room this morning...
That shit was hard as fuck. It felt like a mountain entering my vagina.
She was blowing me like a porn star and all I could think was "you just told me your grandfather is dying in hospice right now"
There is a goat eating lettuce out of our fridge. Do you wanna grab a bloody mary?
I PUT IT IN THE UNIVERSE THAT I WANTED TO STAB HIM AND THEN SOMEONE DID! KARMA IS A BITCH AND SHE IS BEAUTIFUL!
Watch out for the bush at the end of your steps. it comes out of nowhere
Randomize
