just stared at ed norton's ass for 26 miles. if there was ever an incentive to run a marathon, that was it. my life is perfect.
She was wearing a "Got Beer" hat and your bed had necco wafers all over it the next morning. Another story for the grandkids.
Some are given great drunkenness. Others have great drunkenness thrust upon them, in the form of ice storms.
I'm functioning at the level of a challenged walrus.
ill be fine wheb you get back. I'm gunna do real world things like washing the dishes. having to perform serious tasks brings you down.
Somehow ed fucked carrie while purposely not saying a single word to her all night. He just nodded and smiled.
Would it have been easier if he talked to her?
Yeah, but i bet him he couldn't do it. Now he gets a free taco bell combo of his choosing.
Exactly. So you're exempt under the "I can't just fuck her to make it go away" clause of 2010.
My tuesday consisted of speaking to a federal agent for two hours and watching a roving band of gypsies jump over a fire until 2:30am
New reason to drink: alcohol makes soda taste like goddamn gold.
The cops just came to this party I'm at and ate all of our snacks
Dude just crushed our bbq lays and told us to quiet down
Two months ago an unknown man was in my bed and now he is my boyfriend and he has 1.6 million in the bank and he buys me things because I only have $4.35 in my bank account
It could happen to you too!
Phone keeps correcting good morning to "food moaning" and I like the way it thinks.
Facebook: “Hey you fucked on a diving board, you should probably should wish him a happy birthday”
I just want to nap all the time and eat Chinese food.
i wish i could put you in a lil box, and keep you for when i need to be blown
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