You know the guy who poops at a party and then leaves and you go in, do your business, and come out and there are girls outside that think you pooped and no one talks to you? I'm the guy who poops before you go in, because I'm in a relationship and I hate you.
I had sex with billy mayes last night. HE KEPT IN CHARACTER THE WHOLE TIME.
he said no sex till date three. i said the party was one, mcdonalds two and that i would take him with me to buy cigs for date three.
Maybe someone other than the mad hatter should have gone with him to the ER
Your a horrible friend, i only tried to do the right thing by moving you off the floor.. that was not an invitation to puke all over my bed and attempt to use my dog to mop it up.
threw up in the kitchen showroom. home depot employee of the month.
do you think they make 'sorry for walking in on you drunkenly jacking of to a picture of me' cards?
I think my new low is running outside in a towel to pet a particularly fluffy looking squirrel and projectile vomiting off the balcony.
Everyone at work loved my story about sobering up in a river with no bra on.
N.C. cops just used a megaphone to tell me I have a slutty outfit. My life is complete.
I couldn't drown my sorrows in an ocean of jack daniels. They may have scuba gear.
So note to self oboe reeds soaked in Apple Rubinoff sound GREAT.
I just want you to know that I think it is hilarious and wonderful that 40s are now your alcohol of choice.
My roommates call me "Queen of the Skanks" I guess that means I've had a successful first month of college.
I am far too sober to understand you right now. sorry.
Randomize
