I'm not a real person
I'm sorry, everyone knows that
...., I just tried brushing my hair wothh a toothbrushg. fail
ps not my toothbrush awkward.
drinking warm bud heavies i found in the garage and googling how to tell the gosselin kids apart.
can you come get me at the bar
ill be there in 10 min
can we stop off at build a bear on the way home
I sent her a Relationship Request on Facebook last night, she accepted and we fucked.. I changed my Relationship Status to Single, I think she'll get the point
He yelled "HERE COMES THE WARMTH" before he pissed his pants. In front of the whole party.
Just opened a bottle with my rape whistle. At least it's finally getting used for something.
there was this guy running across campus barefoot in the pouring rain stepping in all the puddles. i want his life. and i want to be stripper.
I'll throw in a blow job for your kind ways. Or another booty call. I'm poor and not very imaginative. This is all I have to offer- the unicorn like wonders of my vagina.
You told them to let you give him stitches claiming you were a certified nurse because you've taken plant biology classes
You'd be so proud. I have the flu/sore throat, so I've tied a scarf around my head and I'm microwaving jagerbombs. Let it never be said I'm not commited.
You called your ex's vag an "AIDS Pinata". Drunk You is the Hulk Hogan of insults.
Just found a condom on my floor from last weekend. 2/2. The scavenger hunt is over.
I'm a male taking pregnancy tests with every girl at the party. i have no regrets
His last Google search was "will sperm ruin the retina display on Apple products?"
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