Acid is not a monday night drug
He's a good guy, we stopped by his old church.
And you didn't burst into flames?
In their defense you were hugging a watermelon for a good portion of the trip
Just hook me up with your dad already stop being selfish
Vague recollection of me ripping your shirt off at the bar... I hope I asked first, otherwise that's real rude.
I blew him while watching the aristocats. There were singing cats in the background. I think he he hummed along at one point.
It's not really the holidays until I raid the medicine cabinet. Happy hydrocodone to me
And a merry methadone to all
I think I just got propositioned for sex by the lady behind the counter at dunkin donuts
it's finals week and we've been blasting country porch drinkin since 10AM. there's been like 4 tweets about hearin us on the other side of campus
Well I guess I'll go shower now and wash all the stripper off.
he was like captain planet, but less blue and more nakeed
You know that feeling when you wake up and your whole body just smells like a penis?
I don't know man. I fell outside Pizza Hut and an employee had to perform first aid. But I think I got free pizza. So it was worth it.
I've lost every trace of self esteem. Even sneaking a BJ in the coffee room has lost it's luster.
Good News: There was a condom on the floor. Bad News: It was still in the wrapper
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