don't get me wrong, i like my boss a lot, but not enough to not bang his daughter
This random guy just introduced himself then said "So, I am staying at my friends place and he has a 4 year old, so we should probably go back to your house." WTF kind of vibes do I give off?
is it weird that i feel like i won the break up because my status change got two comments and his got zero?
You guys need to stop introducing me as "the girl you shared"
He painted his chest for the game... I just fucked an exclamation point.
he walked down the highway for 3 miles at 4 am, and got me coffee on the way. i dont think a blow job would have been enough.
That girl gave me her number because you were arrested. I am so proud of you dude.
I told him the truth. Truth leads to vodka. Vodka leads to tequila. Tequila leads to prison.
We listened to Rod Stewart Pandora and slow danced in the shower.
I would makeout with my roommate, but im not drunk enough and she doesnt like bacon fat
I'm sitting on the toilet just to avoid my bosses look of disapproval
Is it possible to be drunk burnt? Like sun burnt but from drinking? Cus I think I that's what it feels like
Did you know they have a bouncer at Applebee's because I did not
You haven't lived until you have fucked while Fantasia is on
Dude we were sitting at my place stoned as fuk then someone knocks on the door and it was my neighbor giving me a huge box of cookie dough. Magic of weed.
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