honestly, who buys weed with an unemployment check?
you.
oh yeah. preciate
sometimes i wish i was able to text my cat and tell him i miss him and that i'm thinking about him
"auto-tuned camel" is how i'd describe the noises she made
His car is carseat is compatible. I checked while we were banging in the back seat...
Making a drinking game out of jeopardy does not mean you studied..
but he gave me mouthwash after the bj. no ones ever done that for me before.
With any luck I will spend the duration of this flight with my tray table up my seatbelt securely fastened and my face in his lap
I feel like fucking him is something we all do but don't want to admit to. like masturbating or peeing in the shower
Fuck you come back. The old guy next to me is complementing me on my great choice of ring fingers,
wow thanks for pushing me towards an older man
you gotta start somewhere if you're going to be a trophy wife
I just handed a girl a slice of pizza and she handed me her number. Is this how Vegas hookups normally begin?
Do you remember ripping my condom off last night while yelling "I DEMAND MY MEAT RAW" like a Viking?
THIS MOTHERFUCKING ROOSTER
IT KEEPS CHASING ME BACK IN THE HOUSE
FUCK THIS BIRD
My Easter Basket from my parents consisted of one chocolate bunny and a massive amount of condoms and a single note saying "the pope approves of the use of condoms" love mom and dad
I just want a simple guy who likes cats, tattoos, and doing coke off my tits.
Randomize