I woke up and she had breakfast in bed for me
RUN RUN RUN RUN
yo im tryna cop a beej tonight
this guy just used the pickup line "God must have spent a little more time on you" I recognized the nsync lyric immediately.
i feel like someone uncorked me like a wine bottle and pulled a living animal outta my arse.
It's shedding
I told you penises don't tan
I think when she wakes up, she'll either kill me, or laugh. I hope she laughs.
Seriously, I was a high class hooker. I was snorting shit Rachel, white powder, lines formed with credit cards, the dudes house was beautiful. Magnum condom. Adorable puppy dog. Pretty sure at some point I was sleeping on a washing machine. Boxing Gloves.
Those were the highlights of my night.
I'm the saddest girl in a tutu right now.
I didn't know whether to laugh at the fact that a dog bit his balls or throw up cause my dad was telling me a story involving his balls.
Now when you said you'd never sleep with me, did you really mean never on a Monday or never without handcuffs or a blindfold or never on a airplane or never without lots of booze? Cus never is a pretty strong word.
I associate the Game of Thrones theme song with his dick now.
i'm drinking soco out of a mickey mouse cup right now. i love it when college and my childhood meet in the middle.
I woke up, topless, my car was parked funny so I threw on my hoodieto go fix it and found a jello shot in my pocket. where did I go last night?!
right after that u started calling me g-force and started trying to bellyslide down his drive way
You know he wants it bad when he starts going door to door for condoms.
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