If your 8 lb baby was ham it would serve 6-8 people
whoever threw up in my shampooo bottle is totally getting defriended on facebook.
i tried to stop you. you just kept saying your split ends needed punishment.
The last thing I remember is trying to split my bridesmaid dress down the back like the incredible hulk.
and you succeeded.
You distracted them by dancing on the stripper pole, I ripped the flag off the wall, stuffed it in my pants and we were out.
as you might have guessed from my lack of texts, the herpes have calmed down.
they still hired me even though my background check came back with a warrent for my arrest.
I guess, just don't make it awkward
MY FUCK BUDDY'S MOTHER FRIEND REQUESTED ME! IT'S ALREADY AWKWARD COREY
Wrote my name backwards on the test and asked for extra credit points. Late start booze days are my new favorite thing.
I've had to much cheese to give a fuck about anything. im tired.
My way of showing team usa support, bronze: handy silver: bj gold: home run. God, I'm patriotic
you regret 100% of the tequila shots you do take. thats what gretzky meant to say
Hopefully this dress says "let me rent your house" and not "let me suck your dick for money"
Friend as in 'I used to have sex with her' or friend as in 'I still want to have sex with her'?
Next time I will hook the Xbox before I get high I spent 30minuts thinking I was playing the Simpsons game when it was in reality a tv episode
When she's hammered the amount of alliteration that comes out of her mouth is amazing.
Randomize
