I'm lit.While shaving my legs I pretended the razor was a tractor cutting down corn. Noises included.
I found my old addy guy via fb who clearly understands the supply and demand curve of addy during finals so he's gonna hook me up.
i pounded out a 17-yr-old on saturday night
no, that is not a typo
i turned her down on fri night, googled the state consent laws & then caved on saturday
No kidding. I just keep looking at that 'under 21 until 11/21/2011' on my id and whispering "soon enough"
I feel like strippers are like dogs, the more you show you're terrified the faster they come at you.
God she is annoying. I am only keeping her around on fb because I want to see if her baby comes out looking like an alien or not.
I dont know about you but I'm not getting out of bed this summer for anything but food or sex
Dude you literally tried to cook your phone in the microwave. You were so wasted you asked your mom to help you turn it on.
I ate so much cake that I can't even enjoy a blowjob
That's the most first world problem I've ever heard in my life.
There are regrets.. and there are RAGRETS
I just said "you do you" to my penis.
I just want to trace his tattoos with my tongue
Let the clothes fall where they may.
He was like "why do you look so cute today?" and I said "I showered" and he laughed. I wasn't making a joke
He had been licking my nipple for like 5 minutes and it wouldn't get hard. He asked me to lick my own and when I did, instant hardness. I realized I'd rather have sex with myself then this guy ..
Randomize
