There needs to be a term for a female version of a rusty trombone
Walk of shame was bad enough, but farting with each step as I walked past his roommates was just not cosmically fair.
You're earring is so big in my mouth
my Prof for my bio lab has his lab coat collar popped. it's 8 am and im too hungover for this guy
Faces of meth called, they want their look back.
I woke up in a poorly constructed blanket fort on a strange office floor covered in rug burns and champagne. How was your night?
Came home plastered at 8am. Roommate had hot glued all the ashtrays and various items to their surfaces. Couldn't handle it. Went back to the bar.
I'm making mistakes. Coming up with girl now
I hate me. That girl was hiiiiideous.
You told us that you were going to become a 'new man' and threw your tv set out of a window.
Just remember, it's never too late to make a porno
I am coming home with the worst sun burn of my life, two unused condoms, and an unworn slutty dress. Worst. Bachelorette. Party. Ever.
im shaving my vagina and listening to frank sinatra, im coming over after
Ewe he just snapped me a pic of his butt crack.. Should I be concerned?
It's an interesting experience to pee while a bird meows at you.
You need to get out of the house more
His wife found the thong I “forgot” in his glovebox
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