I accidentally had phone sex last night
just found out my horoscope sign is scales. it's like i was destined to be a drug dealer
I just slapped my cat in the face with my dildo. You were the only one I could tell.
He probs deserved it.
Every good man does.
I have no idea. After the fireworks it all went to shit. Do you know why I woke up with a road sign?
I have a cup of vodka in my bathroom with a straw in it. Yes, I am ready for this bikini wax.
the whole story woulnd't be so depressing if i had made out with ANYONE but the piano player.
Well, if he didn't want to get caught mid-gay experience by his girlfriend, he shouldn't have pushed so hard to do MDMA with me.
Dude I introduced the hot Russian girl to the hot Ukrainian girls. I am a UN ambassador
Your the only person to come back from spring break with a non std related infection
Metaphysical thesis on the illusion of self+ 2 day adderal binge = the walls of reality are crumbling
I can't hang out tomorrow. A boy wants to feed me ice cream and touch my boobs. Priorities.
He gave me a box of cheez-its after sex, does that make me a hooker?
I never thought my gollum impression would lead to me getting laid.
Huzzah!
Just got up.... With the club stamp on my ass.... How did it got there????
Truth. Though I have held steadfast to the notion while the rest of you wavered. I had faith in his homosexuality.
Randomize
