how drunk was i? i pretended i was getting a blowjob from a fuckin dolphin in front of my dad. thats how drunk i was.
you were making out, puked over his shoulder and insisted everything was okay
My professor just gave everyone in the class extra credit... except for the kid wearing the Cubs hat
i did make 45 jello shots and that makes me feel more productive then any paper would
There is a 15" subwoofer mounted inside our fridge. I've never been more proud of myself.
I was in my bathroom taking a shit and my mom just opened the door, walked in, handed me a fudgesicle, and left without saying a word. Yeah. That just happened.
I still have his teeth marks on the base of my penis. You didnt miss much
The neighbors outside are screaming at one another about God knows what and everyone is too scared to go outside and we NEEd more beer
Lets have the type of night where its 5am and one of us has definitely punched someone who has been on a Disney Channel show.
I should rephrase... I'm trying to not sit on other peoples faces besides my boyfriends.
He spelled Steven with "ph", needless to say my nose was almost bleeding from the amount of axe he was wearing.
My hand smells like rave and peanut butter.
We need to leave a grand offering for the god of free booze and salvia.
I feel fine lol. I tried climbing a tree but the branch broke and I got arrested.
scotch tastings during the week is a baaad idea. i woke up w no pants but wearing my winter coat
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