Hahahaha do you think bella ever gave edward head?
i don't want you to think of me as your TA
Watching the 1st game of the world cup. I'll drunk dial you at 8:30 to wake you up for work.
oh great, iTunes now thinks im gay.
Hangover cure: shower, throw up again, sleep for 4 hours, eat salsa, brush teeth. Good to go.
What's bad is when she said "what hobo did you steal this dick from?"
Walking in to my alcoholic Assessment meeting with a black eye = 40% awkward 60% awesome
Your friends turned off our power in the basement and when we went to turn it back on I got sprayed in the face with a fire extinguisher. FYI.
Guess the answer to the last 2 texts right and you'll get a boob shot tonight. Guess wrong and it will be a picture of a used, boogery kleenex.
Amnesty Wednesday? I'm free to do dirty things to you and you can't laugh or judge?
He does have a nice smile. I also like to think he has a nice penis, but that's just a prediction.
Is there such thing as dick sucking teeth guards?
Awake! can you bring me my pants...im under the couch
It's my birthday. I should be drinking mimosas in a top hat, not working.
As you were falling you yelled out, "save my burrito!" Priorities
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