Drinking mikes hard & watching the swan princess. i fucking LOVE college
I was so high last night that i'm 89% sure my roommates set up an obstacle course for me and timed it. Not positive.. I think one of the challenges was pairing shoes
you pissed in a zip-loc bag and wanted 60 dollars for it
she just built a cabin out of hotdogs and cooked it in the microwave.
now she is shaking the plate and mumbling "this is what california must feel like"
I really should sober up and deal with this hangover
It seems to be one of those life decisions I'm perfectly content never making though
That poor kid, I literally invited myself over and took advantage of him.
yea I'm sure he was really upset some drunk girl showed up to fuck him.
Do you have to put it that way?
I found what appears to be half an E pill and part of a tooth in my pocket this morning
I am omw to AA Fellowship by the sea w Jenny and a stripper who just paid for our jetski with 85 $1 bills
If my mom walks in on me masturbating one more time I'm moving out
You'd think the first few times would have been enough
Woke up to a sex noise notice under my door...he gets a A+ for proformance and ill be seeing him again.
I'm just gonna use that pot butter as dip for chips. That's fat, American AND stoner!
Just thinking about this summer makes me feel a slight tingle of an orgasm mixed with a twinge of regret as the cold ghostly feeling of multiple hangovers creep into my body.
He's ruined me. Do you know how frustrating it is to know I'll never find another guy as tall and handsome and rich with as big of lips & booty, and cock as him who also rims and takes me on tropical vacations and buys me all the cocaine.
The Dick I got last night was so phenomenal that I had to take a fucking personal day today.
As your friend, who loves and cares for you, I have to be honest. I am judging you so VERY hard right now. Sorry.
Randomize
