Dude, I just saw a bird vs. squirrel fight. A car won.
i study at coffee shops because all these damn artsy people motivate me to work towards a real job.
Hey just to warn you theres a really fat guy passed out in front of our front door snoring. Don't touch him, he's in god's hands now.
So apparently we dropped beers outside the apartment last night, and someone RETURNED them! Ha like what? I just walked out the front door to Christmas in a box on my doorstep.
He was in the middle of making out with two girls at once, but then the guy next to me said "I feel like I'm watching Animal Planet" he stopped to give him a high five
Your exhaustion is probably due to your rampant sexual urges and the fact that you live the same life as a raccoon.
Well, if it gives you any indication, when I got there, there was already some dude passed out naked in the treehouse.
he has a party story that rivals our "PTSD- soldier-with-a-knife" party story. I'm pretty sure this is part of some prophecy.
Is using cherry lube as jam shameful or hilarious
you told the taxi driver your yeast infection was so bad you wanted to F a popsicle
I went to an 8am hookup in another guys sweatpants. Who is the really player here?
And if you put this on Facebook, I will drop live cockroaches in your mouth while you sleep and then smother you with a pillow.
You always say the most romantic things
You could cut the tension with my nipples.
Hypothetically, I throw a party and my ex-boyfriend and my current fuck buddy are in the same house... what should I do?
How many beds are in the house? Hypothetically...
I got home and found him passed out in my tank top so i think i'll put lipstick on him and mass text a picture to everyone in his phone. that's what he gets for eating all my wheat thins
Randomize