Sometimes I feel like I shouldn't drink when I come out of a black out half naked covered in puke. Then I realize thats why I drink.
I heard you threw up in your lap?
I heard that too.
there was a trapeze. enough said
currently walking past a fire hyrdrant with a hose already attatched.. this could be dangerous..
No worries you cant actually turn into a wine snob if you brew it in your closet....
It's end St Patricks day. I'm gonna need a leash. And a bib. And a rain check on anything considered dignifying.
My neighbour is taking her hamster for a walk on a leash. Come over now
You want a summary? Scottish women that start drinking at 7 am. Cherries soaked in moonshine. Japanese beer. Old men smoking stuff that I'm pretty sure is illegal here and in Japan. One is doing a karaoke striptease. There's your summary.
Please collect your boy friend. He semi-passed out on the couch and trying to grab bums as people walk by. Anyone's bum, he's not choosy.
I really want to throw this drink in your face but it was 6 dollars that shits expensive
Woke up in a fanny pack with a bag of cocaine on my cheek
I taught three men with PhDs how to make a gravity bong last night. I love academia.
I love it when strippers help me get other strippers numbers.
I am dancing alone in my bathroom because I was paranoid the neighbors were watching through the windows
This is the Front Desk Lady from the Saturolite Inn. Your friend is passed out in the lobby. Please come help her.
Randomize
