I think I just saw the travelocity gnome in leather chaps.
He tried. I said no. He said, "It's ok if I do this?" and proceeded to jerk himself off. Oh, the French.
i wish there was a 'silent except for booty calls' volume level on my phone
we made malted milkshakes. malt as in malt liqour.
She gave me a foot massage with her tongue. I think we're both scarred for life.
I dont know but I had two different hospital bands and half a pie when i woke up.
Cops on bikes. I think I can outrun them.
I'm basically flying you out for a long weekend of sex and going to the zoo
I'm cool with that
nothing out of the ordinary. you aplogized for having a spicy vagina and passed out
She asked the bartender for "7 shots of something fruity" and long story short the bartender punched me in the face. Chivalry is stupid.
I was full on naked standing in his room and I just said "this isn't me" and left.
He was like low grade Riff Raff, but I hit it. Twice. His grill popped out the second time.
if my uterus stops caving in on itself long enough for me to be alive I'm there
Well, he hasn't actually seen me naked. Just my boobs... and the left side of my vagina.
You're lucky I just like fucking you because you would really suck at being a boyfriend.
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