My "High Times" magazine came in today, as well as my girlfriend's new sex toys. We're calling in sick today.
i've been fucking this guy since february and just found out he might be uncircumsized. currently google image searching to confirm.
whenever he goes down on me he looks at me and I just want to poke him in the eyes
I'm sitting in the middle of them on his bed, forcing them to watch Brokeback Mountain. I am the best cock blocker ever.
In the memo line of the check she wrote sexual healing.
he made me feel like a shish kabob. his dick was the skewer.
and you said he wasn't worth calling.
Thanks for walking over, a conversation about David Bowie's dick as a muppet is exactly what my day was missing.
Some guy in lab is humming along to a Sara Barrilles song. Or maybe I'm just hearing the song echoing in his huge, gaping vagina.
There's glitter in my speakers, piles of cheezits on the floor, a random Audi in the driveway and a homeless dude napping in a lawn chair in the backyard. Wtf happened last night?
I didn't have toilet paper until 20 minutes ago. But I have champagne. Priorities.
That means I have to put pants on. That is not something I am willing to do right now.
Hypothetically, I throw a party and my ex-boyfriend and my current fuck buddy are in the same house... what should I do?
How many beds are in the house? Hypothetically...
God I need to hump something, right now.
yeah, my mom got it for me because it had animals AND alcohol.
Also you think METH is on the same level of wanting to see the movie cats? We’re gonna unpack that later
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