This is the first month I have not taken plan B to get my period in over a year
And somehow that makes me sad knowing I haven't had raunchy unprotected sex in a month
y-o-u-r-e = you are, y-o-u-r = your. you are a bag of douche not your bag of douche. if you're going to insult me at least do it in proper english. that is all.
idk if its the weather or the "im still drunk" or the morning sex i just had with my roommates gf but that was def the most enjoyable walk in the rain ever
My dad just passed me a joint.. this is a turning point in my life.
You know there's only so much I can do with a great personality.
He showed up in a dinosaur costume bearing a tray of cupcakes. He even let me hold his tail. I'm marrying this guy.
Everyone was hooking up and I was just by myself rolling around in the grass at one point ... Which I am allergic to.
Dude. If I met a dinosaur right now. we'd totally be on the same page. Brainwaves and shit.
We were simultaneously boning chicks 3 feet away from each other. Do you realize how much that upped our 15 year friendship?
wow. there is a man who hates the post office more than me. he is causing a scene, this is a snapshot of elderly me.
Where the fuck are you? I just got punched in the nose by a tourist
He's nice to look at and knows the difference between your and you're. I win.
Is using La Croix as a mixer for vodka a legit way to reach my daily water consumption?
Listen, you can either give me drugs or an orgasm. You decide.
I bet you my entire life savings of $0 that there's a Doctor Who porn parody and that it features the sonic screwdriver being inserted into some cavities
Randomize
