White Russians with skim milk. Fuck I'm healthy.
Yet again my drunken self has managed to find his way into the middle of nowhere with no shoes or recollection of what happened last night.
Then I guess you don't remember me driving you there after you tried making out with my girlfriend, dipshit.
i've lived in the woods for so long, as long as its post-op, i don't care.
they just did a mariachi cover of free bird
Dear female. Happy valentines day. If you have not had the pleasure of making love to me, please do not fret, I will get around to it soon enough. If you indeed have made love to me, then bravo, wasn't that grand! Perhaps we should do it again? Regardless, have a good day. This has been a public service announcement. Rock on.
She's like my safety school. At the end of the night, if I haven't found anyone better to hook up with, I can always call her if I need a place to drop a load and don't want to rub one out myself. Perfect next door neighbor.
His penis is small and he doesnt like Harry Potter. HE HAS NO REDEEMING QUALITIES WHAT AM I EVEN DOING HERE
when the officer asked him if he had been drinking, he just goes, "yeah, you?" then falls onto the table.
Is it bad that I don't ask for names anymore? Just added "gold-chain-wearing hotel guy" to my list under "minivan 3way" and "funny-tasting gym guy."
Dude. I've never been with a guy who just wanted to go down on me all the time including while I'm shooting zombies on call of duty. My life is complete.
So apparently I was a completely different person lastnight, one who drinks scotch and makes out with 55 year old men who look like inspector gadget
Drove by a guy getting road head, midday on O Street. That could be us, but you won't let me in your pants when you drive.
So like if I threw up in my purse is that "don't ever show your face in public again" worthy or just slightly frowned upon
I completely forgot I gave up beer. But airports don't count. They're like international waters. No rules.
Lesbians just stole my cat :(
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