I can't believe believe she called me a slut. She doesn't know anything about me or my life.
Shit, that's something a lot of sluts say.
so the last visual we have of him for the next 87 weeks is him outside on the ground rolling around yelling I HATE BLOWJOBS
I just did a sobriety test in a tutu.
Do you have any idea how hard it is to concentrate on legal issues with the ghost of his giant penis in me?
what do i owe you?
$237.46 to be exact.
if im having that much fun on the weekend i better start remembering it.
I hooked up with a British man... Wiz Khalifa has your bra... Couldn't have been a more successful night!
You said you couldn't use your body anymore so you made me push the buttons on your phone while you made alien sound effects
"I feel morally obligated to vote for him since he's my drug dealers dad"
I fucked R2D2 last night. I consider Star Wars day a success.
The man sent me a video of him doing the helicopter, the least I can do is go visit him in the hospital
I'm still alive btw, in case you were worried about my well being.
Fine I'll cuddle you but only for the purpose of trying to survive
All that stuff they told us in middle school about drugs being easy to find was a bullshit lie.
there is definitely a hickey on my left nipple.
I'm sorry for peeing on you last night. Will cookies make up for it?
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