I just encountered the most annoying guy on the planet. I wanted to slap his milkshake out of his fat-boy hands while he was talking to me at the same time as slurping his liquid fat.
I love milkshakes.
Not the point.
I just made a steamroller out of a christmas ornament. I feel so festive.
I understand where he's coming from but I don't want this alcohol to revolve around relationship
Wait
Can one of you do me a favor? Light a match and throw it into my room. Bc I'm certain I would rather be burned to death than live in this hell I call my life
Aparently i was the only guy at her parents bbq throwing up in the pool so Im the asshole right...
Sitting in airport bathroom. Guy walks into toilet next to me and announces "I want to apologize to the entire airport for what I'm about to do"
It was almost as bad as the time I peed on the floor of the Pentagon's subway station.
Opening beer with my teeth is getting easier the drunker I become.
It turns out my teeth are bleeding.
Great news I took pics last night
Warning: most of them are of you peeing while I take selfies
I have chafed skin from the handy she gave me. I told her that and she said return the favor when it heals. I'm in love.
I also tried to solve my dog's itching problem with crystal healing. I'm so high, dude.
I just rubbed amethyst all over him and kept saying 'no bites.'
Marrying her is the worst scenario of any. That includes death and zombies.
just turned another straight guy gay. Goddamn the church must hate me
Drinking wine while working. Yay.
Just had sex at the YMCA.
We are so productive today.
dad says come back and get the lawn mower out of the pool before mom gets home
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