between no blow jobs for the rest of his life, or no cheese for the rest of his life, he chose no blowjobs. ive never felt so bad about my bj abilities before
I didn't black out, the guy in the Men In Black costume erased my memory
You and I should start a club for people who woke up on outside on a bench with no idea how they got there.
i woke up in the lobby of Holiday Inn on a chair sitting up straight
with all this snow coming, and no school, I figure why not try every possible liquor snowcone.
She fell out the car soaking wet and screaming "im wearing a fedora!" then tryed to seduce him on the front lawn in front of his middle aged neighbor
His last Google search was "will sperm ruin the retina display on Apple products?"
Also if i get drunk and start crying about the elephants you all have my permission to abandon me.
I feel like I might be the only person I know who eats bundles of radishes in-between orgasms from their vibrator.
I can't control his boners. I can only encourage them.
i showed up really high and was trying to not be,so in order to not seem high, i got plastered
there is such a gross feeling of satisfaction when the married guy i used to hook up with likes my facebook status.
SOOOOOO I just attempted to go to the gym, hungover. Ended up throwing up in the bathroom. I hope people think I'm just working out really hard
It was a successful conference for my sales and my sex life. Those are probably related
Grandma had me open the boxes that were delivered today. She got a sex swing, I've settled on "You go girl" as my official reaction.
Randomize
