cutting back on calories before spring break by only taking shots instead of drinking actual drinks.
the diet of an alcoholic...
new level of vanity: sex dreams about deep throating myself...
Ironically her ferret's toys look like her sex toys.....this is a whole new level of kinky for me
He was sitting at the table eating ice and said, "I'm pretty sure everyone in my family has nipples."
i told you that I felt like my feet were melting into the ground and you starting blowing on them to put out the "invisible fire". thanks friend.
Is there a non-awkward way to tell a girl I work with that she looks just like my favourite pornstar?
I dressed up as a breathalyzer test for Halloween; never had so many straight dudes blow me before!
I bet his dick wears a tuxedo.
Side note: the physics of a guy my size and age getting laid in the backseat of a Toyota Camry are absolutely staggering
We're going to brunch on Super Bowl Sunday. I am not a smart man.
She has also never texted me first which I think might be a tell-tale sign she wants me to die alone.
The only person more miserably hungover from the party is the dog, and that's because he ate some balloons
we watched a guy take a shot of tequila while riding a unicycle
You left your hot dogs in my dresser again
Why is there a pair of panties on my front lawn?
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