The stripper told me she had been working there for eight years, then got mad when I asked if she was trying to make it into mangment. Awkwardest lap dance
Woke up this morning on my couch at 6am fully dressed including heels, holding half a corn dog. I called you last night when I was buying the corn dog from a street vendor, I think.
I am in love with you.
I'm naked and wearing a cowbell.i love med school.
I'm lowering my standards just so I can get laid, but I draw the line when a guy spells cool kewl
Well, on the plus side, the hospital gave me a shirt that says "Makes a bad ass look good"
Dude, double fisting packs of Ramen saved my life last night
Everyone was trying to get you to do a keg stand but you refused & instead declared you could do it yourself, crouched on the keg in your 6 inch heels, leaned over, and gave yourself one.
I'm tired of the topic. I sent him a pic of my vagina to change it.
I just wanna get high and take a fucking awesome nap. Those are my goals for the week.
My intervention, when it happens, should have vanilla cake....buttermilk icing.
I am pretty great at coffee and mistakes
in the middle of telling this chick to sober up i was shotgunning beers. im gonna be ab awsome nurse.
I love waking up to reeses ice cream. But I DONT love waking up to it all over my cat. I blame you.
I just took like 30 condoms from the doctors office... no one can say I don't try to save my money.
Well, you started screaming "I dont know you GO AWAY" to your mom when she was holding your hair as you threw up in her garden.
Randomize
