I knew you were gonna be a good wingman when the words "dibs on the chunky one" came out of your mouth.
just dd'd my mom home while she begged me to let her drunk dial my ex, jammed out to party in the usa, and then passed the fuck out. thanks for the genes mom.
according to the woman who took my blood today, i have "party veins"
ok, she started talking about how she swears her step dad killed her mom. starting to back out of this one
Nothing is more important than the last pool party of the season. Call in sick or gay or something.
It's like I just got slapped in the face with the cock of nostalgia.
Come through the front door when you get here.
Right now I'm so wasted I can't determine whats a door and a window.
I sent him this really overly apologetic text asking him out. It was just sad. Not even 27 shots of whiskey can grow me a self-esteem.
Blow job season was short but glorious.
I just watched this dude try to convince this girl to go home with him. She was like, That's cute, you're cute.and she just walked away. Man I'm so not drunk enough to be around this level of sad.
Your brother's naked in the courtyard again. Just a head's up.
Mixing Powerade and white wine has been one of my better ideas.
You can make out without kissing
Explanation needed
Dude we were sitting at my place stoned as fuk then someone knocks on the door and it was my neighbor giving me a huge box of cookie dough. Magic of weed.
What do you think would be the best way to remove a baby carrot from a vagina?
Randomize
