Help. Asians are flirting in front of me(773): They speak asian
I got so high that I decided to drive with my knees on the way home. Where am I going in life?
Nowhere
Just made nachos out of string cheese and sunchips and laying in my bed watching babay einstion..get on my level
like when he blacked out and we found him in the garden eating your tomatoes off the vine
Being at this bar with grandma is a real cockblocker
I'm really debating making a second facebook. Same name only with DRUNK at the end. That way I can keep the guys I only talk to when I'm drunk on that facebook and only go on it when im drunk.
As i looked at his penis, it stared back into my soul. No more drinking games.
Dude if you're not gonna answer them I'm gonna stop snapchatting you my hook ups
Steaks?
It's Ash Wednesday.
If you really think that not eating meat on a weeknight is going to keep you out of hell, fine. Can I use that chimichurri you made?
Cool. Some 22 year old kids gave me a ride home from the bar last night. In related news, I made out with a 22yr old last night. He was adorable
I mean with a sentence like that I knew I would be cumming
You showed up at my front door in a bikini with a fifth of tequila it was like the opening to a porno
Was it you I was with where I saw a guy open a beer with his butt?
i just love the holidays, i hotboxed a gingerbread house last night
And if you haven't kicked a pigeon you haven't started your morning right
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