idk hes just been lookin at me weird all night
he probably just wants to cut your skin off and wear you like a body suit
Please don't tell anyone I peed on your wall.
this morning i realized i came home with more condoms then i left. burn.
The doctor put me on 3000 mg of amoxicillin a day. Which, for a sinus infection, seems pretty excessive to me.
Maybe he was just trying to knock out any potential ghonorrhea you might be carrying around.
Ah, my reputation precedes me.
But like now everytime I pee I just think... wow I had sex with him on this toilet.
he said he would handcuff me to his penis. thats not even possible. i want to go home.
Apparently I've been blackout drunk doing abstract algebra on the floor
I told the cop to try walking in heels and he'd understand why I was walking home without then on. He told me he only does that on Wednesdays.
How do i politely tell him his dick looks like it went thru a meat grinder?
He threw a twenty at the stripper and asked for change
well did he get it
....yes
turns out my ex girlfriend has become my most successful wingman. life is fuckin weird sometimes
I responded with revoking his blow job privileges. Needless to say, he's learned his lesson.
IF THE SUNS NOT EVEN OUT THEN WHY IS HIS DICK OUT WTF
Hey I didn't mean to come across like I was judging you about your liberal sexual choices. I would like details of your threesome if you need to talk about it!
Remember the Giant sandworm from the movie Dune? Well that's about how big his dick is. No bulshit.
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