please stop taking shits in my toilet and leaving them there.
why does hillary duff have a greatest hits album?
two words: fractured penis. two more: emergency room.
I just followed a trail of feathers and glitter to class. Today better be fucking magical.
Someone just pulled taco bell tacos out of their purse in class....2 problems with here. 1) this class is nutrition 2) taco bell is not open this early.
A 300 lb dude in a sundress yelling bible verses while wearing a raggedy anne wig is just as funny as I thought it would be. Thank you san francisco.
this is not the time for floating mt dew and shots of tequila.
gay flight attendant. racoons. kegels. bartender with missing teeth. too many birthdays. fucckk.
I just lit a candle in my room using axe and a lighter, that's how bored I am. Let's get schwasted.
SOMEONE WITH THE TWITTER HANDLE "METHLAB" FAVORITED THAT PICTURE
I achieved maximum drunk last night. It was pretty extreme. Woke up on a couch, outside, in a suit
Alas my dad DD'd me. Legit cock blocked to the highest degree
I was gonna respond but i couldnt figure out a way to rearrange 'fuck his brains out' to sound grammatically correct
My mom is dancing slutty on the bar I need more drinks to be ok with this
Can you explain to me why I showed my boobs to the firemen to get free beer?
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