i cant believe jose lima did steroids
apparently the kind that make you shitty at baseball
You pointed at his crotch then made a thrusting motion. I think it's safe to say every guy at my college loves you.
I don't know if it was the room or her, but as soon as the pants came off, it smelt like a locker room and old man farts.
I don't think he understands what an important role his penis plays in my level of self esteem
You would think that me seductively unzipping my cat feetie pajamas would make him want to fuck me.
Hey, I'm off work. Wanna take a metric fuckton of adderall, possibly get daydrunk, and get my hair cut?
i'm not sure what happened last night.. i do remember the police calling me to find out where i was because apparently at some point i went missing? don't worry though. they found me
Pretty sure I just noped a member of the Canadian women's hockey team on Tinder.
He better be a good lay, these underwear cost $50.
Is "You've never made me cum." an acceptable breakup line?
Are you serious?! She sent a pizza instead of showing up?!
She did indeed. Papa Johns. It helped because I was super hangry. That bitch is smart!
I woke up next to a box of cheese bread it was super romantic
Just packed a snack to eat on the way to McDonald's. That stoned.
That butt dial turned into a booty call.
I can get weed and taco bell delivered but frozen peas and a loaf of bread are just too scarce, what the hell is wrong with people?
Randomize
