So apparently I shook her hand very polite, said weiner and walked away
I think its only fitting my first purchase with my student loan is a glass pipe? I think ill name it 'Subsidized'
She tried to lure me back to her house by saying she had "real" pizza.
How bad is it if you swallow a really small piece of glass? Be optimistic if possible I'm anxious about it.
I'm sports announcer narrating myself making a sandwich. Your weed wins.
my hand froze to the top of can of beer cuz i fell asleep outside. i decided to find a way to open the bottom of the can before addressing my severe frostbite. PRIORITIES!
Can you find me some 'I threw up in my hair last night' medicine?
It was like a square peg in a round hole... I've never seen one shaped like a stick of butter...
I've started brushing my teeth at 6pm, because honestly alcohol is the only thing I consume after that
The way I kissed her was actually pretty charming and then it devolved to car sex
Pretty sure my first birthday present will be a pic of an 18-year-old's cock. And I am OK with that
She's still mad at me for saying she looked pregnant and not getting her chicken nuggets.
Do you think it would be okay if i cleaned my cartilage piercing with the leftover vodka?
We made out in front of everyone INCLUDING his girlfriend. And no one saw. THAT DRUNK!
I don't want them thinking I'm like, "Mm, yeah, kitchenware in my ass please."
Randomize
