just realized i've hooked up with 3/4 of the guys here COOL
I'm pretty sure he jizzed in his pants, and no it wasn't even half as funny as that song.
tonight, alcohol would be proud of us
He was about to puke, and so I handed him an empty beer can. In retrospect, not very helpful.
I think they can follow the trail of blood to my house if they have a problem with me taking a dip in their hot tub last night b4 stepping on a broken bottle
There was a half eaten cheeseburger on my coffee table. Guess I made it to McDonald's.
alicia just called me and talked to me in "the eternal language of the dinosaurs" and then kind of roared and gurgled. what kind of 4th of july are you guys having?
the boozy kind. is there any other?
She just won 2 Grammys at 17 and were sitting here hotboxing our half bathroom
I opened the door and his girlfriend was standing there; we made silent, prolonged eye contact as I quietly put on my panties and left.
I just need to stick to one night stands and delete social media
You're right, I'd say my real all time low was when I let that fifteen-year-old feel my boob.
Burnt my boob on a piece of hot waffle at work today..I feel like thats a new low point in my career..
Sometimes having a penis is like having a really stupid drunk best friend. You see it doing dumb shit but you're just not the one in charge.
Dick is healthier for you than green beans
Don't do tequila. The Devil himself spits into shot glasses and we call it tequila. You will do bad things.
Randomize
