K, im just throwing this out there, i am not making out with any of his friends... Especially the cross eyed one.
My little sister just found a condom in her bag i borrowed... Happy fourteenth birthday.
like literally i think i'm sweating out semen right now
he keeps his weed in a birkenstock shoe box. its like, we get it, youre from oregon.
He's a fan of Alicia Keys on Facebook. It doesn't NEED to say 'interested in men'.
He choked me out. i woke up to poo. I dont think i like S&M
I just found out my first birthday was a keg party. Suddenly everything makes sense
my mothers day present is going to be not puking at the table during brunch
i feel like i am carryihg a baby. a baby made of alcohol.
"can of pringles" is totally a legitimate measure of time
I spent ten minutes questioning her on what kind of cup she wanted... Then I asked what kind of water she wanted..
WOAH TOO HIGH
I'm using my dog as a pillow. He's cool with it.
But in fairness, I would totally have a robo-penis as long as it had full sensation.
When you left the bar, you did two cartwheels and a heel click and RAN ALL THE WAY HOME.
jusy threw up in the airport bathroom. I am no longer thankful for fireball.
Randomize
