I can actually hear my brain cells scream as they die when she speaks.
I fucked the bump it out of her hair. just had to let everyone know.
I can't believe I just compared my penis to a St. Bernard.
Hey just to warn you theres a really fat guy passed out in front of our front door snoring. Don't touch him, he's in god's hands now.
I'll have to explain it to you tonight when i call drunk. It will sound better
unfortunetly they frown upon drunk on duty paramedics
I'm basically just sitting in the porta poTty finishing my bottle of champagne bc I am too lazy to carry it back to the tailgate
I would personally love to see the surveillance video of me throwing my stuff inside, peeing on the sidewalk, then crying hysterically when I realized I locked myself out. Again.
Ecstasy body chair massage shower sex fest this week?
I will give you the couch, a small portion of the fridge, and plenty of beer.
Got my future figured out. I'm oddly comforted. Thanks, bro.
I have walked into stripper central, but I'm on the street at 1:00 in the afternoon
I finished masturbating now I'm eating french toast crunch. What is life, and what are friends.
I'm to the point where I just want to get back at him in a hot man sex tornado way.
You told me that you would let her eat cake off of your ass, then fell asleep on the floor
All I want is to get shitfaced and fuck random strangers is that really to much to ask?
Randomize