It's one of the reasons i'm here, along with emotional support, physical support if you need it, and power orgasms.
They asked if I wanted to shotgun a beer and before i could ask who had a knife they all had bit holes into the cans. Im never leaving Germany!
we were fucking and all I could think about is how my silly bands were glowing in the dark.
no, no, no. omg. i said i wanted a SANDWICH! not a picture of your dick. damn cant you read? SANDWICH! now im blinded. great job.
Found out that no one else got Christmas bonuses...and you said nothing good could come from sleeping with my boss.
Let's just say that watching the sunrise in a space helmet is really the only way to do it.
Look, I said I'm sorry. In the shower, "are you happy to see me" sounded just like "could you please pee on me". Honest mistake.
She just admitted to me that she was a pinecone.
WHY does every guy I sleep with want to fix my car?!
Are you responsible for the syringes and miniature cactus garden that has magically taken over my fridge?
That's what you get for dating construction workers you meet in tunnels.
my mom just said "if you had sex with someone you don't really like I'm going to be so mad at you" HOW DOES EVERYBODY KNOW
Last thing I remember was a hand in the pants. Then I woke up next to a full beer and a McDouble, which I promptly had for breakfast.
Let it be known that on this day, the 26th of October, in the year 2016, I successfully put both of his balls in my mouth at once.
I AM GONNA CUM EVERYWHERE TONIGHT BRO.
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