If everyone lived like me, we would need 5.9 earths. Fuck yes america.
I even made an effort to dress like a conservative young lady who doesnt black out and throw up in her bed regularly today.
he wont speak to me right now because i told him it must suck knowing he'll never be as good as edward cullen..idiot.
Just whacked off in the middle of writing a paper, gave me great ideas. Note, should do this more often.
We left the bar, went to a sex shop, bought penis shotglasses, went back to the bar and insisted that the bartender used them.
What can I say, I bounce back quick. Never thought the line "my turtle died" would get me so many free drinks last night
At what point would you like us to save you from yourself?
Oh if I trust ANYTHING about you it's your ability to lead a douchebag around by the dick
Shit. She's still hooking up with some random in the doorway. How do I get out of here?
Well hurry! Everybody is already at McDonalds.
I'm free! Didnt realize how easy it was to crawl out the window.
So I'll bring my machete and we can smoke your shit.
Out of context, that is a hilariously scary message.
That's why i need nudes. Plutonic nudes.
He had a clap on lamp. So every time he was ramming into me, the lights kept turning on and off
i survived drinking for 24 hours, an 8 ball of cocaine and a threesome. I think you can handle moving.
Speaking of dignity, who all saw me....
I could be writing so much lesbian porn right now but noooooo!
Randomize
