dude she wont stop talking about little people big world...she said my penis looked like zach roloff and took a picture with her phone?
How long do you need to date somebody until it is acceptable to fart in their presence?
The real question is how long do you need to date them to dutch oven them?
So my Christmas cards this year will be my mug shot with my kids face photo shopped next to me....too ghetto?
I knew we should have skipped class earlier, my lab partner is drunk from last night and making up his own experiments.
Clothes are such an inconvenience.
My mom's mothers day present consisted of a card, chocolate and the rose bush I threw up in as I was getting in last night. She loved it.
everyone thought he was too sick to make it, but he showed up. Ten minutes in and he's doing vodka shots with nyquil chasers
trading diseases for a hangover? that's either a really good decision or a really, really bad one. we'll find out if he wakes up tomorrow
just puked a little into my hand/sleeve. way too hungover for the first day of class
On the bad side I puked, but on the bright side I puked lettuce which was a new experiance
Hey texans ride hard. He should have known what he was in for when I asked to sit on his face. The broken nose was a BADGE he just earned.
Probably TMI here but I just rubbed one out while listening to thunderstruck, almost ripped my dick off.
Today is National Blunt Day in the Great State of Me. Come ovah
My mute roommate is using sign language to ask a guy to fuck her.
I worry about your feelings an awful lot for somebody who gets off on making you cry
But then our conversations are like black box recordings. Just the stuff you hear when the plane is going down
Randomize
