I thidmdmk you'gre a special person
He is either going to be in my pants or get a restraining order against me.
He better hope I dont die soon. Because I would haunt his bitch ass and cock block 24/7
When the phrase "Wow your huge" came out of her mouth I knew it was gonna be a good night.
im that hungover where parking at red lights has to be done
I just want to let you know how hung over I am today and I fucked a girl in a kangaroo costume last night.
Haha he's lucky I don't kick him back into the land of the majestic handjobs
I just passed a kid trying to leave on a lawn mower
I just recorded myself pooping, then uploaded to google drive, then connected to my pc through teamviewer then downloaded it, then played it to the living room while still pooping. God I love the internet.
You rope them in with the looks and the boobs, and I'll bore them into submission with random trivia. We can't lose.
Thanks for reminding me of all the hookups my brain has been trying to suppress...
That's what friends are foooooooor!
I found a hair colour I want in a porn.
Matt is trying to convince me that we have a deal where if I show him my tits he won't do cocaine. Apparently we shook hands on it?
...this is why fuck buddies should be only for grownups.
I miss your drunken presence, and strong odor of hard liquor and potent weed.
Randomize
