Im eating ham and mustard naked, watching south park, but its totally cool cuz the paper plate is covering my nuts
Watching NYC prep. Doing a shot everytime one of these d-bags flips his hair. I give it 10 minutes before alcohol poisoning set in.
Sometimes he's such a bitch I forget that he's not actually a girl. Last night I asked him if I could borrow a tampon.
He had some in his pocket. That was weird.
tiger just fucked it up for all of us...she grabbed my phone this morning and started asking questions.
I wish i could call my weed and hear it ring. That's how i found my phone.
We raised our shot glasses and you screamed out "TO MY DAD FINALLY GOING TO REHAB!"
Fuck. That. I'm gonna get drunker and make them regret they EVER put me at the kids table. I'm a MAN.
I stopped understanding conversations unrelated to vodka two vodkas ago.
He upper decked the toilet, got himself lit on fire 6 times and lit 4 other people on fire in the course of 3 days.
most of the afternoon was spent sneaking around my house and alternating which bathrrom to throw up in.
Might as well permanently tattoo lush somewhere on my body and show it to people when I decide to drink so they won't serve me.
Shit on my own feet while puking from my hangover. Is this what 33 is supposed to be like?
That was right around the time that the drunken mess pulled out his dick in front of myself and like 10 other people and started peeing all over the train platform while saying, "Sometimes a bear gets you brother. Sometimes a bear gets you."
Pretty standard Thursday night commute for you, no?
I just dominated some guy while wearing your moms thong
well i can officially check "have sex in a prius" off my bucket list...
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