Really? You have stories that rival having a threesome with the two best friends of the guy your kinda seeing? Thats impressive.
I showed him my bush... on skype.
p.s. you have a small clit
YOU ARE THE MOST AWKWARD PERSON ALIVE.
I am midnight drunk by noon
we were spooning and you were the big spoon but you insisted that I call you "the ladle"
So the girl I hooked up with last night pretended to be from Comcast when my girlfriend stopped by this morning. She even made a fake appointment to check her internet. Best hookup ever.
in case you havent found it already in honor of Toy story 3 we wrote ANDY on the bottom of your foot while you were passed out on the couch.
was it morally wrong to have used his girlfriends makeup after i fucked him?
On an unrelated note: I'm also a big advocate of the "never waste a boner" theory.
Your niece just basically announced she's a whore on FB so you should feel pretty good about officiating that wedding next month.
Totally clawed myself in the face during sex. I can die happy?
No. Nooooo. No way. She looked like Amanda Bynes. The recent one not the one from All That.
Can we both just take a day off just to have sex? Is that acceptable as an adult?
Well, I crapped my pants in front of her entire family, was laughed out of their house, and I had to walk home with shit stained pants. So, yeah, it went really well.
Hi. Tara tells me your sandwiches and stamina are substantial
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