You drink too much
No, I drink just the right amount - too often.
Buhtt sex?
my math professor just wrote "parallel" on the board, but spelled it "pararrel". guess what country he's from
I've never watched DWTS before, but this show's got Pamela Anderson, Erin Andrews and Brooke Burke: 3 of my top 10 all time most masturbated to women.
I feel like I'm a marionette being lifted around. Four Loko.
Just mixed vicodin and mucinex. This cold just got fun.
We made a bong out of a plastic football. I can honestly say we make a good team.
I am making a budget for 2012. Should condoms be in the insurance or entertainment category?
Batteries died. I don't care that you're studying for the bar. Come over. Bring the law books and study after. I'll even make coffee.
Do you think I could get someone from tinder to drive me to the airport?
I hooked up with a guy dressed up as morning wood. Needless to say he lived up to his costume.
What the hell man, you basically stole my girlfriend with a bucket of KFC.
Just learned a valuable lesson today. Don't open snap chats from 3 am the next morning while sitting next to a small child. They totally saw your dick.
Slap a cop in the butt for a felony charge. Check.
STOP PUTTING BUTTER ON MY FUCKING CAT
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