M and I are hungry and we are making your pizza in the fridge. But you're having sex and we're not so we dont feel bad.
I'm cheating on the girl I'm cheating on my girlfriend with
Come on the kid is gayer than me
Like the straightest thing he could do right now is take it up the butt
I decided that just having that story under my belt and being able to tell it to my grandchildren is worth the regrets of the evening.
so she sprained her ankle somehow and her friend had to carry her out while all 7 of us watched. do we even need to vote on that or is that automatic induction into the hall of shame?
he's wearing our apron and eating a pb and oreo sandwich. and calling the oreos "topless" since he took their tops off...
You probably don't remember. You were drunk and getting your tits drummed on like haitian bongos in a voodoo ritual.
I cannot even. Taco bell reception. Beers. New friends from Georgia.
She just pulled out a chicken strip and a hundred dollar bill from her purse. This is a legit twentyfirst bday weekend.
Too bad you can't keep me under your desk. You'd love that wouldn't you? Massages, blowjobs, and I'd be forced to be quiet all day.
I feel like if Miami and New Jersey fucked each other and produced a baby that would summarize the bar I'm in.
What changed your mind?
Being sober
We don't have paper towels so I microwaved a spinach/egg sandwich thingy wrapped in toilet paper. Toilet paper. so that's how my day started.
Just in case you forgot, last night you came home drunk and pissed all over my laptop. You owe me a laptop.
I'm classy like audry Hepburn. Chugging wine out of the bottle on the way to the club. Shed do that. I know she would.
Randomize
